I lose track of time goofing around with the guys, and when I look for Charlie, she’s no longer chatting with Vanessa Castro, the midfielder of the girls’ soccer team. Afraid she got upset that I ignored her and left the party, I text her. When she doesn’t answer, I go looking for her.
There seems to be more people now than fifteen minutes ago, and getting anywhere in the house takes a lot of shoving and pushing. I stretch my neck, trying to find her on the makeshift dance floor. I do find Vanessa with her teammates, but no sign of Charlie. I decide to talk to Vanessa and ask if she knows where Charlie went when I’m intercepted by Brooke, who pretty much throws herself into my arms.
Her makeup is smeared, and her eyes are bloodshot. Even if those weren’t clues enough, she’s wasted; her breath smells like tequila.
“Troy, the person I’ve been looking for the whole night.” She hiccups.
I straighten her and then push her back. “What’s the matter with you?”
“What’s the matter with me? I’ll tell you what’s the matter with me. I shouldn’t have ever let my parents convince me to go to New York. If I had stayed, we’d still be together.”
Fuck me. I knew it. She came back because of me. I wasn’t crazy when I got that vibe from her at the diner.
“Come on, Brooke. Don’t do this now. You’re drunk.”
“I know I’m drunk. I had to. It’s the only way I can tell you the truth. Liquid courage, right?”
I sense the crowd around us is staring. Not everyone is shitfaced out of their minds yet, and I’m sure some are hanging on to every word we say. I have to get Brooke out of here.
“Come on. Let’s talk somewhere in private.”
As much as I’m pissed that she’s causing a scene, I can’t leave her alone in this current state. For starters, it’s not safe. There are a lot of weirdos on campus. Plus, I do owe it to our shared past to hear her out and explain that I’m with Charlie, and that’s not going to change. There isn’t any chance Brooke and I will ever get back together.
I steer her toward the stairs. There must be a quiet room where we can talk. In the back of my mind, I know this will look bad. I hope Charlie doesn’t believe the gossip when she hears about it. Once on the second floor, I try every door until I find an unoccupied room.
“I’m such an idiot. I hate New York. Always have. Why did I go?” she whines.
“Come on, Brooke. Sit down.” I push her onto the bed, stepping back quickly before she drags me with her.
I don’t want this situation to get more awkward than it already is.
“You were right, Troy. I did come back because of you. Seeing you during the holidays made me realize I missed you terribly. Every single guy I dated after you didn’t compare.”
I listen to Brooke pour her heart out, but the only feeling she can summon from me is pity. There isn’t a single spark left of what we had before.
“Aren’t you going to say anything?” she asks.
“What do you want me to say?”
Her shoulders sag forward as she laughs without humor. “That you feel the same way.”
“I can’t do that.”
“Why? Because of Charlie?”
“No. She has nothing to do with this.”
Brooke sits up straighter, and a new glimmer of hope shines in her bloodshot eyes. “So you’re not in love with her?”
“I didn’t say that.”
“Fuck, Troy. You’re not making any sense.”
I run a hand over my hair. “I don’t want you to think that if Charlie wasn’t in the picture, then I’d be with you. That’s what I’m getting at. I care about you, Brooke, as a friend. Nothing more.”
Her face twists in agony, and more tears gather in her eyes. “It would have been kinder if you told me we couldn’t be together because you were madly in love with your roommate.”
“That wouldn’t be fair. I can’t compare what we had with what Charlie and I have.”
“What do you mean?” She wipes her face with the back of her hand.
“You were my first girlfriend, Brooke, and that’s something no one can take away. You’ll always be a cherished memory. Well, besides this one.”
She snorts. “Gee, thanks.”
“But Charlie is….” I struggle to put into words what she means to me. She drives me insane, whether with desire or grievance. She