Allegreza’s mouth twitches. “It might just be a coincidence.”
“But it might not.”
Allegreza’s eyes dart towards mine. “I know what you’re thinking, Laura, but I forbid it. You’re not to go anywhere near your old convent.”
Doesn’t she understand? I have the perfect alibi! “But I know a girl there called Annalena. I can call on her—I can go and find out more.” I can’t believe Allegreza is even thinking of stopping me.
“I said no,” she says, her voice firm. “What has happened to you, Laura? Where is the measured girl I first met on San Michaele Island?”
I’ve changed so much since that night I pledged myself to the Segreta. I’m stronger, less innocent. But still I’m trapped. Once I was a prisoner in my convent cell, now I am constrained by the rules of the very society that freed me.
“As you wish,” I mutter, dipping my head out of respect—and to hide the glint in my eyes. If Allegreza won’t allow me to visit my old home under the orders of the Segreta, I’ll go on my own.
Allegreza places a hand over mine. “Thank you, Laura.”
I look down at our fingers curled together in my lap. Allegreza’s skin is scattered with age spots and fine wrinkles; my own hands are still youthful. What can she know of love? Each decision she makes is a move in a larger game, a jostling of positions for the greater good. She would sacrifice a pawn to keep a queen, because the ends justify the means.
“I’ll do everything you ask,” I say.
I never would have believed that deceitful words could fall from my lips so easily. Not to Allegreza. But these are desperate times.
I won’t let Roberto be a pawn. I won’t take orders if my heart tells me they’re wrong.
Here, in my years of torment and incarceration, I was once called La Muta—the Silent One. As I stand and regard the walls of the convent, I remember the grilles and bars, the Abbess Lucrezia and my lay sister and friend, Annalena. Will she have changed? I know that I have, from that timid girl who sat in the gardens, making lace and keeping her head bowed. What would the Abbess say if she saw me sparring with Roberto, a man at the point of my blade?
I step up to the heavy, studded door, carrying my gift for Annalena. It’s a box of sugared almonds wrapped with a ribbon of pink silk. Decadent, by the convent’s standards, but I’m allowed to bring gifts for my friend, surely. I rap my knuckles against the ancient wood, and a small window, cut into the door, slides open. A woman’s eyes, framed by a cowl, widen in recognition.
“Laura’s back!” she calls to someone. Her glance drops to take in my scarlet dress and the little window slams shut. A moment later, the door creaks open and a hand gestures for me to step inside. Looking over my shoulder, I hesitate. Then I walk into the darkness.
Annalena stands at the end of a covered walkway. She hasn’t changed, and for a moment she watches me with a cold stare. Does she even know who I am? Then, as if to dispel my fears, she breaks out into a joyous run and throws herself into my arms.
“Laura, Laura! I knew you’d return, one day. Oh, my heart, are you here to say your prayers?” She laughs excitedly. But we both know I’d never enter these doors again without very good reason. I am one of the lucky ones—I escaped. The other women here, the unwanted second daughters of Venice’s gentry, will spend their years watching their lives diminish as they lie in narrow beds, with only their rosaries and their matins for company. Their families don’t want to pay their dowries, so instead they are banished as wives of Christ.
Annalena pulls me over to one of the many stone benches where I once sat learning scripture. Everything seems smaller than I remembered.
“For you,” I say. I give her the box of sugared almonds, and she cries out with delight, before hastily hiding the gift beneath her coarse habit.
“Look at you!” she gasps. She strokes a hand over my gathered skirts and then touches one of the earrings hanging from my earlobes, marveling at the gemstones. “Sapphires?” she asks. I nod, smiling. She shakes her head in amazement. “Just look at you. You’re like a lady now.” Again, she laughs. “What am I saying? You are a lady!”