Healing Hearts (New Hope Falls #6) - Kimberly Rae Jordan Page 0,34
probably be the most relaxed part of his weekend since he would be back at his folks’ place for another family dinner on Sunday evening. Hopefully Callie would be in a better mood because the past couple of times he’d seen her, it had been open warfare between them in only the way it could be between siblings.
After his shower, he threw on a load of laundry and straightened the apartment up a bit before placing an order for his favorite pizza. He was on the couch watching TV while he waited for it to arrive when his phone’s text alert sounded.
Picking his phone up, he saw that the text was from his mom. Even before he opened it up, he knew what it was going to say.
Mom: Hi darling. Hope you’ve had a good day! Are you still coming for dinner tomorrow?
Ryker debated answering because he knew where the conversation was going. With a sigh, he tapped out his reply. Yep. That’s the plan.
Mom: We’d love to have you come to church with us in the morning.
And there it was: His parents’ concern over the fact that he hadn’t darkened the door of the church since he’d returned from Syria. He knew it wasn’t so much the fact that he wasn’t attending church that bothered them as it was that he’d chosen to distance himself from all spiritual things.
Before heading to Syria, he and Lydia had been active in the large church his family had attended his whole life. They’d been involved in small groups and had attended pretty much every service their schedules allowed. They were committed to the church as much as they had been to their careers.
From what Callie had said on several occasions, that was still the case with Lydia. It made him feel a bit weak that somehow she’d managed to figure out how to accept that God had allowed that attack to happen, killing innocent people. So many of them children.
But he just hadn’t been able to comprehend the events of that day and then move on with his life as it had been. Everything he thought he’d known about God was called into question that day. It had been just one more thing that had driven a wedge between him and Lydia.
Sorry, Mom. Not tomorrow.
He didn’t have to imagine the disappointed look on her face. He’d seen it often enough over the years. But this wasn’t something he was able to cave on. Maybe at some point in the future, church attendance might be possible, but not right yet.
Mom: Just make sure you’re there for dinner.
I will be.
Mom: xoxoxo
xoxoxo
After sending his message, Ryker tossed his phone down beside him then leaned his head back, slouching into the couch cushions. Staring up at the ceiling, he tried to figure out how not to let the guilt consume him. He just wasn’t sure that his parents—his mom, especially—would settle for him going to church just one Sunday. They’d expect him to continue to go every week.
And then it would be getting involved with a small group again.
Then going back to counseling.
Then getting back into medicine.
It seemed like a slippery slope that he wasn’t all that keen to step on.
He was happy with life at the moment.
Okay, maybe happy was stretching it. He was definitely…okay with his life at the moment. He found satisfaction in his job, and helping Michael with Vivianne had revealed that he could tolerate casual interactions with children.
He was still of two minds about dealing with Bryson. During their interactions, he felt fulfilled and happy in a way that he hadn’t thought he’d ever feel around children again. Making Bryson smile felt like a huge achievement. It was only at night when the nightmares came that he wondered if it was worth it to prolong their interactions.
Ryker knew, however, that if he told his mom that he was dealing with children again—who weren’t his niece and nephew—she’d get all excited about how he might be healing from what had happened in Syria. And while he did feel that some healing was occurring, it still wasn’t nearly enough to consider returning to a job in pediatrics.
There were still far too many nights when he woke in a cold sweat from nightmares of that day. Unfortunately, Bryson’s smiles and earnest expressions weren’t enough to completely overlay the other images in his brain, and in some cases, it was Bryson’s face that stared back at him, a mask of fear and horror.