Healing Hearts (New Hope Falls #6) - Kimberly Rae Jordan Page 0,111

feelings.

His gaze dropped to his food as he picked up his fork, but he didn’t scoop up any of the lasagna. Instead, he sighed and looked up at her again.

“Yes. Seeing his fear the very first time I met him did a number on me, I’ll admit. I had a nightmare that night, seeing his fearful gaze mixed in among the ones from the camp. I’ll confess that it shook me up.”

Sophia’s shoulders slumped, and she felt a bit sick to her stomach. “And then I asked you to spend more time with him.”

“It was okay, Sophia,” he said, an urgent yet gentle tone to his voice. “I could have said no. I could have stayed away.”

“You tried to stay away,” she reminded him.

He nodded. “But that wasn’t just because of the nightmares. I mean, I hate the nightmares, but honestly, I’m kind of used to them. I have methods that I use to try to prevent them, but if they don’t work, I do have things I do to help me deal with the aftermath that usually…sometimes work.”

Frowning, she said, “So you really did just stay away because of him getting too attached to you?”

“Yes,” he said. “And maybe I was getting too attached to him as well.” His gaze met hers, and this time there was something besides devastation in his eyes. There was an emotion she was almost afraid to name. “To both of you, actually.”

At one time in her life, his words would have delighted her. But right then? All she felt was fear. Fear that she would once again be led by her feelings and not make good decisions. But beyond that, there was a fear that whatever he thought of her, it would all change once he heard what she’d done. What she’d been a part of.

“I’m sorry if what’s happened with Bryson brought you back to this place when you didn’t want to be here,” she said, choosing not to address the subtle indication that he might be feeling things for her and Bryson, especially since it was clearly something he was trying to avoid.

“I think I needed to be brought back here.” Ryker shifted in his seat, resting his arms on the table, pushing the container of food away from him. “It was time, and though it was difficult at first, it helped me see that I could face a medical emergency with a child and not freeze up completely.”

“Do you think you’ll practice medicine again?”

“Yes.” The answer came without hesitation, but it appeared to take Ryker by surprise. A smile curved his lips. “Yes. I will practice medicine again. Not right away, of course. But where I once thought it was impossible, I now think I can do what I need to in order to reach that goal.”

It wasn’t lost on Sophia that Bryson had helped to give Ryker back the one thing that would eventually take him out of their lives. Everything else aside, there was no way she could ever imagine being involved with a doctor. Even if—and that was a big if—they were both open to a relationship, his ex-fiancée was a doctor. His whole family was involved in the medical field.

And what was she? A single mom whose sole aspiration had been to be a stay-at-home mom. She was only able to keep a roof over her son’s head because of her grandmother’s help. And that didn’t even take into account all the issues she had from the years she’d spent under the thumb of an egotistical maniac. An egotistical maniac she’d thought she loved.

“I’ve made the decision to go back to therapy,” he said. “In fact, I had my first session earlier today.”

Sophia sat back, what little appetite she’d had was gone now. “Is your mom your therapist?”

Ryker gave a huff of laughter. “I’m sure she’d like to be, but no. I see another therapist in her practice. He’s a good fit for me, but I’ve been…resistant. Going back this time, I’m doing it because I want to do the work now. Last time, I felt like I was going more because it was expected of me.”

Sophia knew how that was. It was why she’d gone to the sessions initially offered by the group who had stepped in to help the survivors of the cult. Would she want to go back now if she was able to? For sure, she’d want Bryson to go. It was more important that he get the help he needed in