Foster had pulled me into the lifestyle and not any sooner. It wasn’t hard to imagine what those same doctors would have said about me.
“What are you waiting for?” Foster said, jumping up from the couch and gesturing for me to get up. “Go get your little.”
I jerked back as if he’d burned me. “I never said he was my little.”
Foster huffed. “Carson, I can read you like a book. You like him. You’re attracted to him. Even if you weren’t, I know you’d still help him, but deep down, you want him.”
“Okay, fine,” I said, relenting just a bit. “I want him, but that doesn’t mean—”
“—he’s the kind of little I want,” Foster finished my sentence as he rolled his eyes. “I know, but you won’t know until you get out there and try.”
I glared, hating how right he was. “You keep rolling your eyes like that, and they’ll get stuck that way.” Weak, I know, but it was all I had.
Foster rolled his eyes again just to spite me. “What’s the first step in Operation Baby Bear?”
“Operation Baby Bear? Really?” I asked dryly as I reached for my phone.
“Work with me here, Carson,” he replied.
“Lee,” I said, pulling up his number.
“Lee.”
I sat in the parking lot outside the coffee shop where Miller worked, wondering how long I could sit there without someone calling the cops on me. I was already at twenty minutes and counting. I’d never felt so nervous before.
“This is weird, isn’t it?” I said, talking out loud to get the thoughts out of my head. “I’m not a creep. I’m here to get some coffee and apologize for what happened.” I still wanted to hug him, but I knew that more than likely wouldn’t happen. At least, not yet.
Done with myself, I turned off the car and got out. I felt weird walking toward the door, but there was nothing for it. I was committed at that point. Stepping into the coffee shop, I looked toward the counter and was disappointed to see a guy that wasn’t Miller taking cash from a customer.
I knew he was there somewhere. When I’d called Lee for Miller’s information, he’d been reluctant to give it to me. When I’d explained the situation to him, he’d eventually caved. Not that I’d told him everything. I didn’t mention I thought Miller was a little or that I thought he’d been hurt in the past. I’d talked about the possible consent violation and the responsibility I felt to apologize since it had happened in my home, which was the truth, just not the whole truth.
“I know you, Carson,” he’d said, “and that’s the only reason I’m trusting you. You hurt him, and I will end you.”
I had the feeling Lee knew more than he was letting on even with my evasive tactics as his warning echoed in my brain. It didn’t matter anyway, hurting Miller was the very last thing on my mind.
I got in line, hoping he’d show up by the time I reached the counter. I was next, standing behind a short woman when he returned. I watched him, loving the little pangs of happiness in my chest that appeared whenever he smiled. Foster had been dead on. I had it bad, and I barely knew him.
The woman in front of me paid for her order and stepped to the side to wait. Moving up to the counter, I held my breath as I waited for Miller to acknowledge me.
“Hi, welcome to For Coffee’s Sake.” He looked up, a lovely twinkle in his eye. “What can I… get you?” Miller asked, his voice trailing off and his smile fading as he recognized me.
“Hi,” I said, feeling awkward as hell. I’d known he wasn’t going to give me a warm welcome, but this was just painful. “Can I get a regular coffee, black?”
He rang me up, gave me my total, and took my money all without looking me in the eye. During the entire exchange, I think the furthest up his gaze managed to reach was the center of my chest. I swept a quick glance behind me to see if anyone was waiting to order, but I must have hit a lull when I’d arrived because no one was there.
Feeling no pressure to step aside, I got straight to the point. Or rather, I blurted out what I’d been thinking. “Gods, this is more awkward than I’d expected.”
Miller finally looked up, his blue eyes wide and startled.