helping my husband and for catching me when I fainted. I have never fainted in my life.”
“Didn’t figure you had.”
Alexandria blinked at him in surprise.
“You don’t strike me as the weak type.”
“Thank you. I’ve managed to bandage you up but I would still like for the doctor look at this.”
“I’ll have him do that. Thank you, Ma’am. I think I’m going to go get a fresh shirt. If I can help any, you let me know,” Jonathon stood and claimed his coat.
“Leave that; I’ll see what I can do with it,” Alexandria reached for his coat.
Jonathon nodded and handed it to her.
Jonathon left the house and Alexandria started his coat soaking a tub before moving to her room to change. She looked down at her pretty blue skirt and crisp white shirt regretfully. By the time she had finished changing, tears were coursing down her cheeks. As she studied herself in the mirror she only felt worse. She had wronged her husband and could never right and even worse, now she was feeling sorry for herself because she had to wear black; she was a bad person. A tap sounded on her door a moment before her mother entered.
“Sweetheart, I’m so sorry,” her mom said as she hugged her.
“I’m a bad person,” Alexandria declared.
“No, you’re not,” her mother argued.
“Yes, I am. Just before you came in I was feeling sorry for myself because I have to wear black and I look dead and I turned my husband from my room and…”
“Slow down. Why don’t you start from the beginning?” her mother suggested.
Alexandria backed up and started from the beginning of her miserable marriage right up to the news of her husband’s death.
“You’re not a bad person at all,” her mother assured her. “Why didn’t you tell us things were so bad?”
“What could you have done? I was so determined to marry him.” Alexandria trained her gaze on the handkerchief in her hand.
“We could have been there for you.”
“Thanks, Mom, but it was between us.”
“I’m sorry, Sweetheart.”
“I need to tell Lilly; I haven’t yet,” Alexandria abruptly stood and moved toward the door.
By the time they had told Lilly and consoled the child, Alexandria felt like a shell. The child had finally cried herself to sleep and Alexandria felt it was best to leave her there.
“I need to take Elijah’s best suit of clothes to town…”
“Millie gathered them and Russ took them; you don’t need to worry about that.”
“Thank you, Mama. If you’ll excuse me, I’ll join you in a moment,” Alexandria indicated with a gesture in that direction that she was going to make use of the bathroom.
“Of course, Sweetheart.”
Carolyn made her way down the stairs and Alexandria entered the bathroom and locked the door behind her. She leaned against the door and let her tears fall. Her emotions were all jumbled. It hurt to lose Elijah even if they hadn’t been deeply in love. She also dreaded the horrible mourning period ahead of her. Guilt swirled around with a heavy dose of panic. What would she do now? Several minutes later Alexandria pushed off the door and wet a cloth to press it to her eyes. After splashing her face and patting it dry, she looked herself in the mirror and squared her shoulders.
“You will get through this and you will hold it together while you do it,” she ordered herself.
She let herself out of the bathroom and moved down the stairs and toward the parlor where her family had gathered. She stopped in the doorway and surveyed the room.
Her mother and Millie were seated side by side on the settee; they were likely making plans. Her father, brother, and Mr. Stewart stood in a small knot and were seemingly deep in discussion. Anna seemed to hover between the group of men and the women, uncertain whether to cast herself into the group with her latest crush or join the women where she belonged.
Alexandria hesitated; she dreaded entering the room. She preferred to stand here on the edge of things rather than being thrust into the middle of them. Mr. Stewart glanced up and spotted her. His gaze held so much understanding that it nearly undid her hard won resolve. She dropped her gaze and blinked rapidly. Unlike Mr. Stewart and his wife, she and Elijah had not shared a loving marriage. The thought only made her feel worse.
“There you are, come have a seat, dear,” her mother invited as she stood and prepared to fuss over her.