“I’m sorry, Elijah; I’m not ready,” she whispered.
He released her and took a step backward. “I understand.”
“I am so sorry,” she repeated before hurrying into her room and shutting the door behind her.
Elijah was surprised at the sting the rejection left. Your pain is only a fraction of what she felt when you left standing alone on her wedding night, a voice taunted. Elijah winced; then nodded his agreement with the words. His heart heavy, he turned for his room.
Alexandria sank against her door as tears streamed down her face. She hated that she had hurt her husband and her friend, but a friend was all he was to her. After months of getting to know her husband she had come to count him as a friend but felt none of the attraction she had initially felt for him when she had married him. It was as though the more she got to know him the less attractive he was as a mate but that was what he was, her mate. She had just turned her husband away from her bed and if her mother knew she would give her a tongue-lashing. She should go to him and invite him into her room or herself into his but couldn’t do it, not yet; she needed time to adjust to the idea.
***
Elijah pulled his coat closer and wondered if he could possibly have chosen a worse day for a trip to town. It couldn’t be helped though and he knew it. They were out of supplies that just couldn’t wait. Jonathon, his own coat pulled tight, sat beside him.
“What’s on your mind? You’re awfully quiet,” Jonathon initiated conversation.
“You were right, Jonathon; there is a difference between physically knowing someone and really knowing them. The more I get to know my wife the more I like her. I’m falling for her.”
“That’s great, Eli.”
“I got a small glimpse last night of just how deeply I hurt her…” he paused, seemed to consider sharing more then obviously decided against it.
“What about you? You have to be aware that you have quite a throng of admirers at church. Have you considered moving on, maybe marrying again?” Elijah didn’t mention that his own sister-in-law was at the head of the pack. When he and Alexandria had dined at the Cannons the previous Sunday, she had managed to corner him and ask at least a dozen questions about his foreman.
“No, I haven’t, not yet. Emily’s been gone only eight months; I don’t think I’m ready to look at women like that yet.”
“I completely understand,” Elijah nodded. “The ladies at church, however, aren’t quite so understanding.”
“Trust me I know. If it isn’t the daughters it’s the mothers.”
“I know. After Martha died I avoided all the mamas like the plague,” Elijah was finally able to laugh about it.
“Wealthy rancher with a young daughter; I bet they were relentless,” Jonathon grinned at the man next to him.
“Alexandria and her mother were the exception. They were over all the time trying to help with Lilly; Alexandria is great with her. It took me a moment to catch on that Alexandria was interested.”
“She wasn’t aggressive like the others I take it.”
“No, nor could I picture her being. At first I was completely shocked but the more I thought about it the more sense it made to marry her. I wish I had kept thinking in retrospect. I know I hurt her badly,” Elijah shook his head in regret.
“From the few conversations I’ve had with her she seems to be a pretty reasonable woman, Eli, and it seems to me you two are making progress.”
“We are; I just wish I had waited to remarry; until I had worked through it all.”
“Can’t go back,” Jonathon reminded him.
“Isn’t that the truth?”
“It is cold!” Jonathon pulled his collar up higher on his neck.
“Come on gidup!” Elijah encouraged the team to pick up their pace. It was either his imagination or it was getting colder.
By the time the men were ready to return to the ranch the wind had picked up in intensity and seemed to slice right through their coats and gear to pierce their skin.
“What a lousy day,” Elijah muttered. He had no need to encourage the horses on this time; they seemed anxious to return to their homes in the barn.
“We’re almost there,” Jonathon offered as they neared the turn off for the ranch.
“Glad for that. Whoa….” Eli pulled the horses to a stop as three men rode to a stop in front the