Havok: A Bad Boy Mafia Romance - Riley Rollins Page 0,4
but I'm still embarrassed to be seen popping these. It's shameful, but there's no other way to get through this life. The opiates numb the pain, make everything feel okay. Doctors would call me a functioning addict.
I extract a couple pills and swallow them down with a swig of gin and tonic.
A minute later, Violet and Mackenzie emerge through the stage entrance and I prepare to head out. Mackenzie, who's my only real friend here, gives me a wistful smile as we pass each other. She's got the most beautiful blonde locks, and curves that men would fight a war over. I wish I were as beautiful as her.
Like me, Mackenzie's got a story. She used to be somebody, then she needed money… and the rest is history.
"Have fun out there, babe," she says. "You missed a show."
"You're always magnificent, sugar tits," I say to her with a weak smile.
"Not me, silly," she says with a laugh. "They kicked out a couple meatheads. It was hot."
I muster a giggle. "Stay away from the help," I scold her. "Which one?" I add, trying not to sound too interested.
"Vlady," she says with a giggle.
"Oh, yeah," I say. I feel weird hearing her talk about him that way. "Totally." Havok is hot, and all the girls know it. But for Mackenzie and the others, he's just a piece of eye candy.
For me, he's much more. An anchor, a light beacon in the darkness. And that's something I could really use tonight.
I exit the dressing room, push the curtains aside, and step onto the main stage.
When I first started this gig, stepping out onto the stage was a real thrill. The warmth of the stage lights hitting my body, the reactions of the customers, stripping my clothes off for strangers who worshipped my body. It was actually kind of flattering, and I almost felt like a rock star.
Now it's a constant battle just to tolerate the work.
Except for nights like tonight, when the first thing I see is him. The man Mackenzie and the others call Vlady, the man I call Havok.
For some crazy reason, all my worries fade when I see him. He's always standing in the exact same spot like a guardian statue, the dark light casting beautiful shadows against his high cheekbones, broad shoulders, and thick messy hair. It's almost unfair how much better-looking he is than all the other men that set foot in this club.
The club is actually crowded tonight, but all the other faces go out of focus. Havok and I briefly lock eyes as I grab onto the pole and swing around it, starting my first song. Then he looks away.
But I know he's still watching. At least, that's what I tell myself, because it makes this all tolerable.
Tonight, I'm going to free my mind from its shackles, and I'm going to dance for him and him alone. I'll take my clothes off, and he can help undress me with his eyes. If he wants.
But after my shift, I'll go home to Brock, and Havok will go home to wherever he goes home to, and nothing will happen.
It's just what we do, I think as I hoist myself onto the pole and flip upside down. I unclasp the hook on my bra, letting it fall off my body.
I look right into his eyes, and I swear he looks back at me, if just for a moment.
I clock out early, at one-thirty in the morning. We've got plenty of dancers tonight, and I earned well already—about $250, which should be enough to spare me from Brock's next beating. I count my exact earnings backstage. It's what I do after every shift, before changing back into my street clothes and leaving through the club's back exit. I've still got a good buzz going, so for the time being, I'm as content as I ever tend to be these days.
I'm standing at my locker, entering the combination, when someone steps up to the locker beside me.
It's Havok. When I recognize him, my body gets a little melty, and my brain feels even more scrambled than usual.
I lock my neck, staring straight ahead. My skin prickles, my nipples hardening under my lingerie. God, no other man does this to me with his mere presence.
I forget where I was with the combination, and have to start over. Then I mess up again, and I'm still fumbling with the lock while Havok's already got his locker wide open.