she had with Thomas and Emily, and not ever. She went through an entire pregnancy and birth without telling me. I had no idea. And then suddenly, just before Christmas, a card arrives signed from all of them, including Georgina, and there’s the photo of the five of them and … it’s as if Flora’s forgotten, or doesn’t care enough to be aware of it, that’s she’s had another baby and told me nothing about it. That’s how I found out. From being sent that.’ I point to the evidence: evidence of Flora’s awful behaviour as well as mine.
‘I rang her. Soon as I’d finished crying, cutting up the photo, hiding what I’d done – inadequately, as it turned out – I rang Flora. She sounded normal. Well, normal for New Rich Flora. I thought, “She has no idea why I’m ringing.” I said, “I got your Christmas card. Flora, I didn’t know you’d had another baby. I didn’t even know you were pregnant.”’
‘What did she say?’
‘She sounded puzzled at first. She said, “Didn’t you? You must have known!” Then there was this long, horrible silence, during which she must have realised I couldn’t have known because she never told me. She’s not stupid, and she knows I’m not either. We both knew that any charade of us still being best friends was finished.’
‘Maybe she didn’t tell you because of the miscarriage,’ Dom says. ‘She didn’t want to rub salt into the wound.’
‘No. There was no planning or strategy. If she’d thought about it, she’d have known that for me to find out in the way I did would be the most hurtful thing of all. She just wasn’t thinking about me at all. At the time, I thought it was because she didn’t give a shit about me any more.’
‘But … if this phone call revealed that the two of you weren’t close friends any more, how did they end up coming round to ours with Georgina?’
‘After that conversation, Flora briefly felt bad enough to make a bit of an effort. And I wanted to believe the friendship could still recover. But from the second they arrived, things were wrong and awkward and … bad. I assumed it was because Flora felt so guilty about not having told me, or maybe she didn’t want to be there and was just doing a duty visit, for form’s sake. I was wrong.’
‘How?’
‘I’m scared you’ll think I’m a terrible person if I tell you,’ I say tearfully. ‘I’m scared I am a terrible person.’
‘Don’t be silly. Just tell me.’
‘All these years, I’ve been making it all about me. When Flora changed and seemed less interested in me, I put it down to Lewis’s inheritance. When months passed and I didn’t hear from her, it never once occurred to me that she might be in trouble. When she was pregnant and had a baby and didn’t tell me, I used it to back up my theory: that she and Lewis were rich now so she didn’t need to bother with the likes of me any more. I didn’t ever think, “Flora wouldn’t treat me like this unless something was really wrong.” And I should have thought that, Dom – because she wouldn’t.’
Finally, Dom sees what I’m driving at: ‘You think that whatever weird shit’s going on now started then?’
‘Yes, I do. And … after that last time they came to ours, I drew the wrong conclusion again. Apart from their new address card, Flora never contacted me after the day she found out I’d cut up the photo. I assumed that was why … but it wasn’t. Sure, she’d have been hurt by that, but it wasn’t the reason. Flora never got in touch again because she couldn’t risk having me in her life any more. She couldn’t risk being close to me – because if she was then I might find out the truth. The secret. Whatever that was. Is,’ I correct myself. ‘Dom, whatever it is, it started before Georgina was born. Months before.’
‘I wish we’d talked about this at the time. I had no idea – about any of it.’
‘I didn’t want to talk about it. I was … ashamed, I guess. People aren’t supposed to feel jilted and have their hearts broken by their friends.’
Sudden ringing makes me jump. ‘Is that your phone?’ Dom asks.
I nod, reaching down to pull my handbag up onto the bed.