Have Mercy - Christina Lee Page 0,80

were candy, and he was probably being just as careful as me.

But there were always so many words arranging themselves on my lips whenever he was around, even if I was too chicken to say them out loud. What good would it do anyway?

I care about you. I more than care about you.

And Christ, when I’d heard him humming a bit off-tune to Mercy last night in the stables after we’d fed the horses and brought them inside, it nearly killed me. I wanted to wrap him up in my arms and ask him to stay. But that line of thinking wouldn’t help either of us. Besides, Julian had a life to get back to, along with his sister’s wedding, so it was wrong of me to imagine him staying put on the farm. Would he even want this sort of life? And what in the world would Sienna think? And everyone else, for that matter.

“What’cha doing, Daddy?” Ainsley asked, coming up behind me, and I was so startled, I nearly dropped my phone. The basket she was carrying was empty, so she must’ve just finished collecting and delivering eggs to Marta.

“I’m taking some photos for Julian to remember us by. Want to help?”

“Yes!” she said, so enthusiastically, it made my heart sing. So we left the paddock and walked hand in hand around the property, snapping photos, slowly making our way toward the silo. He had surprised Sienna with a sign over the doorway the other night, and it would make an awesome shot for our collection.

“It can be our little surprise for him,” I said as an idea began taking shape.

When she didn’t respond, I looked down at where she stood frowning. “What’s wrong, honey?”

“Does Julian have to leave us?” she asked with a trembling lip, and my face nearly crumbled from the desperation in her tone that reflected my own.

Truth was, I wanted him to stay, to be part of our little family.

He’s already part of your family, stupid.

Fuck, why did that stark reminder always have to ruin the little fantasy?

“He does. I’m sorry.” I wound my arms around her shoulders. “He lives in another state and was only here for the summer.”

She sniffled. “Will he come back and visit us?”

“I sure hope so.” And I did. Even though it would be under different circumstances and we could never pick back up where we left off because that would add all sorts of complications to the mix.

Unfortunately, Ainsley was terrible at keeping secrets, so when she blurted out our picture-taking adventure today at the dinner table, I shot her a withering look before shaking my head in amusement. “We thought we’d text them to you once you got home so you could have something to remember us by.”

“You’re kidding,” Julian replied, his eyes looking a bit misty. “That’s the coolest idea. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Ainsley said, then suddenly stood up and launched herself into his arms. “We’ll miss you.”

Sienna’s shocked expression matched my own as we stared at the pair, who had no doubt formed their own bond.

“I’ll miss you too,” Julian said around a tight throat just as Hamlet snorted under his feet, and everyone laughed. “You too, little stinker.”

After dinner we went out on the porch to enjoy the night breeze with some lemonade and cookies Marta had left us. Then we all said our good-nights.

Since Julian had been in my bed, I’d had difficultly sleeping soundly through the night. Not that the sheets still smelled like him, because no way I wouldn’t launder them after we made such a mess, but I wished I could’ve at least kept my pillowcase unwashed for another week so I could smell him. Though that might’ve been a bad idea too.

In the middle of tossing and turning, I heard a familiar sound of distress. Julian was having another one of his dreams. He hadn’t had a bad one in a while—or not any I’d been witness to—but I knew that didn’t mean his troubles were solved.

PTSD was serious for many, and his experiences would haunt him for years to come. My chest ached with a new awareness that I wouldn’t be able to help him through his episodes for much longer. I’d come to know the signs and to watch for them, so the thought of not being there for him was eating me alive. It was ridiculous, though, because he’d already had many others in his corner before he even arrived at the farm. His mom and