Have Mercy - Christina Lee Page 0,5

needed to be the husband she deserved. So I’d put the question of my sexuality on the back burner to give our marriage my all while we worked on opening the farm, and that, at least, brought me solace. The idea that Sienna had the same vision as me, of a smaller patch of land we could call our own. We were friends first in high school, so we had that foundation.

And it had almost worked. I had almost started believing the lie, until one night my urges got the best of me, and she caught me looking at gay porn on my laptop. Something had broken inside me that night, had burst through the surface like a geyser, and I couldn’t live with myself or the secret anymore. And fuck, hurting her had been brutal, and Sienna wanting a divorce was what I’d deserved. But then Ainsley got sick, was diagnosed with leukemia just as we were finalizing the paperwork, and suddenly nothing else mattered.

All bets were off as we desperately clung to each other, to that underpinning of friendship, to help Ainsley fight through it. I’d never forget her night sweats and the bruises under her eyes as she fought off one fever after another.

Once she went into remission fourteen months ago, we agreed to not physically break up our family, while making sure Ainsley understood we were no longer together as a couple. Then we threw ourselves into making the farm what we’d always dreamed. The dairy farm was mutually beneficial to the Carmichael Ranch, at least when it came to trading heifers and calves and harvesting hay, though our numbers never made a dent in their business.

Despite sticking together, we still had our rocky moments, our hurtful arguments, where Sienna admitted that some things made sense to her now that she knew about my sexuality. And fuck if that didn’t make me feel even guiltier. But we had a beautiful child together, and after almost losing her, I had to face up to some hard truths and finally move forward, no matter how shaky those first steps were.

By the time I got back to the house, Ainsley was seated at the breakfast table near George, whose truck I’d spotted parked in his usual spot near the horse stables. He always came inside first to steal a biscuit or two from Marta, our housekeeper, who was currently standing at the stove, whipping up scrambled eggs, Ainsley’s favorite.

“Daddy.” Ainsley grinned when she spotted me, her blonde hair already falling out of her messy ponytail.

I pecked her on the head, then marched straight to the sink to wash my hands before Marta scolded me about smelling like the animals, which I more than likely did—couldn’t be helped on a farm. I’d jump in the shower as soon as I had that first taste of strong coffee, which always felt like a come-to-Jesus moment.

Marta had followed us from the ranch, telling my parents we needed takin’ care of, which both of us appreciated, especially when we were spending long hours at the hospital during Ainsley’s bone-marrow transplant. And somehow, Marta never left. Not that any of us were complaining. She kept us in line with her motherly instinct and sharp Slovakian tone.

“Mr. George promised I could watch him groom Piper after he exercises her today,” Ainsley said around a sip of orange juice.

“Did he now?” I spooned some sugar into my mug, and George threw a wink her way. She seemed most happy when with our newest horse, a rescue, so we’d eventually ease her into riding again—with the direction of her therapist—due to her overall cautious personality since she’d gone into remission. After all she’d been through, how could we deny her any sort of contentment? All of this—the quiet, simple life, and me and Sienna making it work—was for her. And I’d give it all up for her too. In a heartbeat.

But she loved this farm and all the animals just as much as we did.

Marta clucked her tongue as Ainsley sneaked a bit of biscuit to Hamlet, poised at her feet under the table. He knew whom to use his magical charms on, which explained that little potbelly developing.

“I’ll come find you, Miss Ainsley.” George waved, heading toward the door.

“Smells amazing,” Sienna remarked as she stepped inside a minute later. Phoebe followed on her heels, snorting and hoping for a scratch under her chin, and Sienna happily obliged.

“Gonna take a quick shower before I join you.”

I headed