Have Mercy - Christina Lee Page 0,34

shower turn on, I held my breath, wishing and not wishing at the same time that my wildest fantasies might come to fruition. It would be a disaster if they actually did, which was why I needed to keep showing restraint.

I could feel Hamlet on my heels as I walked the length of the fence toward Kerry, who seemed too engrossed in Ainsley to notice.

Neither one of us had mentioned the time we’d shared on the porch swing the other night. I had woken in a cold sweat and couldn’t easily shake the troubling dream, so I’d headed out the door to walk the property, careful not to wander too far in one direction and get lost, which would’ve sucked. But I supposed I would’ve either ended up on the road or on the Carmichaels’ property, which would’ve been embarrassing had it not been the dead of night. Normally, I was pretty good with directions, but I’d been too shaken to think straight, and it was getting to the point where I was considering an extra check-in with my social worker from the VA about it. She thought the farm would be good for me, that it would help me relax enough to finally feel settled. I wasn’t sure about all that, but the change of pace had been good, though it’d done nothing to dissuade the dreams.

Speaking of dreams, having Kerry waiting for me on the porch when I returned was pretty surreal. And then to admit he’d heard me in the throes of terror made embarrassment flush my cheeks, as well as guilt that I’d probably woken him up a time or two without even realizing it. But we’d become friendly during our milking mornings in the barn—who’d have guessed I’d ever use that phrase—and something reassured me he’d keep my confession safe.

Besides, the stuff he’d shared about his coming out was eye-opening.

Had Sienna caught Kerry watching gay porn on his computer?

Damn, that must’ve been so painful for both of them. Mom had always wondered if Sienna ever had any sort of inkling about Kerry, since they’d known each other most of their lives. And maybe both of them had ignored it, hoping it would eventually be resolved.

Fuck, what an ordeal, and the agony in Kerry’s eyes was palpable.

Kerry’s eyes… They were a hazel color bordering on gold, and I’d only discovered it because of the marathon staring contest between us that night. Damn, the man was so handsome and sexy, and feeling the weight of his thigh resting beside mine was…making me crazy reliving it every other minute. Thing was, had he been uncomfortable, he would’ve moved away, right? So I could only guess he was fighting the same attraction and had no clue what to do about it either.

And that same driving force of wanting to be in his presence was what had compelled me to show up in the barn at the crack of dawn the last two mornings.

I had slept in after the nightmare, which had felt good. And when I finally made it to the barn, Sienna was already there, so I helped her with the goats instead. But that similar tension seemed to tether me and Kerry together even across the stalls, and I tried to avoid his gaze, or I might’ve given myself away. Kerry must’ve had the same thought because he fled the barn as soon as his chore was finished, but not before throwing a shy, disarming smile in my direction. It was hard to keep my lips in a neat, straight line even though my stomach felt like it was in a free fall. Like I had some ridiculous junior-high crush on a strong, silent cowboy who seemed more like a figment of my imagination.

As I approached the paddock, Kerry briefly glanced my way before turning his attention back to Ainsley and her horse. “Hey there.”

“Hi,” I replied, then focused on Ainsley, who was using a round brush on Piper’s flank. I’d come to learn that they used three types of brushes to groom their horses, but I hadn’t paid close enough attention to know the difference.

Sienna had explained to me on one of my visits to the stables that grooming was a necessary task—it cleaned their coats, released natural oils, and helped with blood circulation. And, of course, helped a person bond with their horse. Especially a rescue horse. Which must’ve been why Ainsley seemed to spend so much time watching or helping George with the chore.