Have Mercy - Christina Lee Page 0,25
watch from the safety of our yard.”
My shoulders relaxed. “Sounds perfect to me.”
Fireworks weren’t my favorite thing either—same with other combat veterans I’d come across—so staying put suited me as well. As long as I had advance notice, I’d done okay with them, along with using the grounding techniques the social worker suggested to keep me rooted in reality.
Once all the horses were secured and Ainsley said good night to Piper, I followed them behind the farmhouse, where I helped Kerry make a bonfire and Sienna brought out the ingredients for s’mores.
“If only we had the fireflies too, we could recreate our summer in Long Island,” she said dreamily.
“What’s so cool about them?” Kerry asked, handing us long sticks to put in the fire while I began pulling marshmallows out of the bag.
“Are you kidding me?” Sienna replied before I even had time to think about it. “Their lights flicker all around you in the dark. It’s like your own little star show.”
“Ooooh.” Ainsley looked up at the sky as if imagining it.
“Your stars out here are impressive enough.” I lifted my eyes as well. “No way you get this view in the city with all the pollution.”
“You’ve got a point,” Kerry said. “But the way Sienna goes on about fireflies, you’d think they were some little miracle.”
“I do not.” She whacked him playfully. “Just a good childhood memory.”
“Plus, the alliteration works well for our farm,” Kerry said, and we all laughed.
“Guess you’ll just have to visit us out East to see them again,” I said as we placed our sticks in the fire. The last time was probably my father’s funeral, but it’d been such an emotional week, I could barely remember any of it.
“Maybe so,” Sienna said, glancing uneasily in her daughter’s direction, and I wondered if she was an anxious traveler or something else was going on with her.
Once our marshmallows were properly toasted, I smooshed Ainsley’s a little too emphatically between two graham crackers, but she didn’t seem to mind the messiness as she dug right in, chocolate smearing around the corners of her mouth. When she declared me the ultimate s’more maker, I pretended to gloat, and Kerry laughed. My stomach felt all strange when his eyes landed on mine and softened. God, I needed to get over this attraction.
The start of the fireworks display made me jump, Ainsley too, and she scooted to the security of her daddy’s lap. But I was able to stay planted in the present and breathe through the crackling and banging noises, managing to enjoy the brilliant colors in the sky. Popping another marshmallow in my mouth and slowly chewing to make me focus on the here and now helped too, as well as Sienna scooting her seat over to mine and explaining how they’re shot off from Snow King Mountain in Jackson Hole.
Had they asked me to attend the large gathering in the national park, I would’ve undoubtedly passed. And by the looks of it, Ainsley would’ve too. So at least I had a kindred spirit in her.
I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t glad when they were over, and the lingering buzzing in my ears didn’t help either. I thought Kerry might’ve figured it out because he patted my shoulder in sympathy right after the finale.
Sunday afternoon I waited outside on the porch swing for us to head over to the Carmichael Ranch.
If Sienna and Kerry were still married, I might’ve felt like a third wheel—or maybe a fourth wheel was a better description? Like I was intruding on their ready-made family plans. But not after what Kerry had shared with me in the barn yesterday morning.
“I might’ve come out, but that doesn’t mean I can freely express myself, not after I ruined so many things.”
Damn, that was some heavy shit he was keeping inside. And if anything, I swore to at least become someone he could feel free around. We didn’t get a chance to speak on it any further, and I wasn’t sure if he knew what I was hinting at when I told him I understood. I was hoping for a follow-up conversation soon because it was becoming more and more evident that he was feeling pretty shitty about himself and could use a friend. So maybe Mom had been right all along.
I stood up to stretch, my eyes scanning the horizon toward the Carmichael Ranch. I felt a bit nervous about dinner, to be honest. It was silly because I knew the