much that I got a little lost in it? Big deal. Isn’t that what an actor is supposed to do? Shouldn’t it be a good thing that I don’t completely detest the scenes that involve kissing my asshole costar? At least when his sarcastic, egotistical mouth is otherwise occupied, I can tolerate him.
And just because I obtained a teeny tiny amount of enjoyment out of kissing him during that scene doesn’t mean I’m going to do something insane like rip off my panties and ask him to sign my underwear or bang my brains out.
I might be on a year—or, holy shit, is it a year and a half?—long sex drought, but the day I have sex with that bastard is the day someone should lock me away in a padded room and make me think about what I’ve done.
I haven’t chosen a revirginization of my vagina or taken an oath of abstinence; I’ve just been super busy. Honestly, at this point in my life, being single feels like it’s slowly becoming a part of my identity. My priorities revolve around my career, my friends, my family—Billie—and the very occasional me-time. And, trust me, that keeps me busy enough.
Hell, what would I even do with a boyfriend right now? Water it? Take it for daily walks? Am I supposed to feed a boyfriend???
It doesn’t matter. What matters is that while I may have loved the kiss, I know enough to hate that I loved it. I mean, it’s possible to hate the player while still loving the game, isn’t it?
The only sex I’ll ever be having with Mr. Ego is fake, scripted sex in front of a camera, so I might as well enjoy whatever pleasure I can get from our forced interactions. I might have to consider a hot one-night stand with a handsome stranger or, at the very least, carve out more time in my schedule for masturbation to curb my enthusiasm a little, but I can give myself this little concession.
Thankfully, a sex scene with my costar is not on the agenda today, and I will have a little more time to fully wrap my mind around the concept of compartmentalization.
Hallelujah!
Once we finished filming Scene 32, I was led into one of the hair and makeup trailers to get the fake rain dried out of my hair and my makeup reapplied. The next order of business will be a scene revolving around Arizona and her band.
“Oh my God, Cara,” Tawny Rose mutters on a heavy sigh as she looks up from the screen of her phone and into the vanity mirror. She assesses her reflection with scrutinizing eyes and a sour mouth. “Are you trying to make me look horrible today? This eye makeup is not going to cut it.”
Cara, Tawny’s designated hair and makeup stylist, offers a neutral smile. “I’ve been given strict instructions to make Delilah’s makeup look over the top. It’s part of her character.”
“Well, it looks like total shit,” Tawny hisses. “It’s embarrassing, to be honest. No way I’m going to get in front of the cameras looking like this.”
Sheesh. Diva, much?
While Cara works on Tawny’s hair and makeup, Maureen continues to work on mine, and I don’t miss the discreet looks they give each other over Tawny’s little temper tantrum.
Frankly, I don’t really understand what she’s so pissed about. Her lips look full and luscious, her eyes are smoky and catlike, and the contouring Cara worked on for a good fifteen minutes has only made the beautiful actress more stunning.
“This is exactly what Howie wants, Tawny.”
“Well, then maybe you should call his ass in here so I can tell him he’s fucking wrong,” she scolds, venom dripping from her lips.
“I think you look really pretty,” I offer, trying to smooth out the tension, but it’s apparently useless.
“If you think this looks pretty, then you’re fucking clueless,” Tawny snaps back, her eyes never leaving the screen of her phone.
Oh boy. This woman is my costar, the one who is playing my best friend in the movie. I hope to God she’s just having a bad day and isn’t like this all the freaking time. Otherwise, I’m pretty sure our working relationship will prove to be quite the challenge.
“Someone better fix this right fucking now,” she adds. “Or else I’m going to lose it.”
Pretty sure you might already be losing it, sweetie…
Cara looks up toward the ceiling and inhales a deep breath before setting down the brush in her hand on the vanity counter