I will make sure it remains her home, including flipping burgers, waitressing, or serving coffee. Anything. Let’s just hope I don’t have to resort to that.
I’m a generally positive person. But I do know how long it took me to find my last position. Six months. I had been offered several jobs before the last one, but none of them paid enough. None gave me the flexibility that I needed.
I look back at Sailor. I’ll figure it out though. I don’t have six months to make something happen. I have about a month of savings. I can find a job that fast in the San Francisco area, no problem.
“Absolutely! Let’s go see if your mom wants to go.”
Sailor’s face brightens. “Good. I’m tired of being cooped up in this house.”
I laugh. “You’ve been cooped up for a total of four hours.”
She shrugs. “But it was a long four hours!”
“Your mom upstairs?” I ask, already knowing the answer.
Sailor nods.
“Go get changed into your swimsuit, and I’ll go see if your mom wants to go.”
Sailor shoots up the stairs to her bedroom while I go check to see if my sister, Amber, is out of bed yet. I knock on the door before I slowly enter her bedroom. She’s still in bed, like I expected.
I go over to the window and open the blinds.
“It’s a beautiful day, Amber.”
My sister groans and covers her head with the thick comforter. I want to be angry. I want to yell at my sister to get up and go take care of her daughter. To get a job. Or, at the very least, spend time with Sailor. But I know that would be the opposite of helpful. Tough love never works with Amber.
We are different like that. Amber needs soft encouragement while I need tough love.
Amber has gorgeous, long blonde hair, just like her daughter, while my auburn hair makes it so that you wouldn’t even know that Amber and I were related from our looks.
“I’m taking Sailor to the beach. You up for joining us? We would really like that.”
“No.”
I take a deep breath, needing to remain calm.
“You sure, Amb? It’s a beautiful day out. You don’t have to swim if you don’t want to. Just come enjoy the day with us.”
“No.”
I walk over to the bed and sit on the edge while I rub her back, trying to encourage her to come. But we’ve been through this before. She had postpartum depression after Sailor was born. And despite trying to get her help, she’s never gotten better. Losing her job and apartment didn’t help. She’s at one of her lowest places. And there is not much I can do to help her when she is like this but make sure she is taking her medications and going to therapy while letting her know I’m here for her when she finally makes it through the fog.
“Do you need anything before I go?”
“No.”
I lean down and kiss her on the cheek. I wish there were more I could do, but depression is hard to fight. It’s not something I can fix, no matter how much I want to.
“I love you, sis,” I say, getting up before getting ready and heading to the beach.
I could live my life at the beach and never get enough of it. Sailor is the same way. She was meant to live in the water. Sometimes, I wonder if she was meant to be my daughter instead of Amber’s. But then she does something that reminds me completely of my sister, and I know she is hers. And, when Amber is healthy, she makes an amazing mother. It’s just hard when she is in one of her depressed places. Hard for her to keep a job, hard for her to take care of her daughter, hard for her to even get out of bed.
That’s why I have to have a job. I have to take care of Sailor when Amber can’t. That’s what family does. We pick each other up and handle things when others can’t take care of themselves. If only I could convince my mother and brother of that, then maybe it wouldn’t fall on me all the time.
Who am I kidding? I like the responsibility. I like being in control of the family. I like taking care of them. I just hoped life would go my way for once in my damn life.
My phone buzzes, and I don’t have to look at the screen to know who it is.