cheek thinking back to that morning. The sex was amazing, but he was equally as amazing afterward. He fed me breakfast bite by bite. He took care of me. And for once it felt good to be the one taken care of, instead of the one that has to take care of everyone else.
But it was all a lie. He didn’t really care about me. He just wanted me to sleep with him. And he sure as hell didn’t love me. He isn’t capable of love.
I stare down at the envelope that I’m sure contains another napkin with another apology. His apologies are good. Seemingly heartfelt even. But they aren’t enough. Not now after everything that has happened.
My life has changed, but I’m still the same person. I live my life taking care of my family. And even if I can find a way to forgive him, I won’t forgive him for getting me fired and hurting my family. My family comes first. I can’t forgive him for hurting them.
My heart wants to know that he’s been thinking of me, but instead of opening the envelope, I don’t.
I stand up and walk to the edge of the railing. I drop the envelope over the edge and let it fall slowly down to the pool beneath. It hits the water and I know there is no going back. It’s soaking wet, even if I tried to recover it, there is no guarantee that I’d be able to read his words.
It feels right. It feels like after all these months, almost eight to be exact, that I’m finally over him. But the pain still remains.
He’s ruined my life in so many ways. There is no way I will trust a man, not after him.
But I’m not done ruining his.
I pull my cell phone out of my pocket and I dial Lily’s number like I often do every few weeks. I can check in on Carter and earn the paychecks that Lily still sends me by tweaking things to ensure that she stays on top of her game.
But this time, it’s not just to benefit her, although it will. It’s to benefit me as well. Because I need to see him truly pay for what he’s done to me and my family. He’s never going to stop paying for what he did.
18
Carter
I’m tired.
So incredibly tired.
Being separated from Victoria has driven me mad. I can’t keep doing this. Every day that goes by is like another needle getting shot into my body. And after almost eight months of getting stabbed over and over again, I just can’t take it anymore.
I’ve been sending her almost daily napkins with apologies. I thought sending them would make me feel better, but they don’t. They make me feel worse as I realize just how many things I’ve done to hurt her. I deserve to be in a lot more pain than I am in.
I thought she would respond. I thought that she would send me a text message. Send me a letter back. Even pass a message along through Logan.
But she hasn’t. Not one single word. I can’t handle not hearing from her. So even though I have four months left, I need to see her. Now.
“You’re wearing that?” Lily asks, eyeing me out of the corner of her eye from where she sits getting her hair and makeup done for another show tonight. This one is on Phoebe’s show again.
I look down at my jeans and buttoned down shirt, the same thing I always wear when we go on television. “Yes.”
She sighs. “You need to wear something more dressy. This is the last month before the election and I need you to look your best. Go put a suit on. The grey one with the turquoise tie.”
I don’t argue with her. I’ve found that it isn’t worth it. I just do what she says, whether I agree with it or not. At this point, I hope she loses the election, that way I don’t have to stay with her longer than another month.
I walk down the hallway to the small dressing room, where I find the suit that she wants me to wear, already hanging on the rack. I put it on, but something doesn’t feel right. It doesn’t make sense why she would want me so dressed up unless something special was happening tonight.
I get an uneasy feeling in my stomach. Lily likes to spring things on me during the interview, that way I can’t protest