I didn’t let myself love her because I thought there was no way that she’d ever love me in return. Not after all the cruel things I had done to her. What I did just a few weeks ago is the most savage thing I have ever done. She’s going to hate me.
But maybe I’ll have a chance if she’s already in love with me. Maybe I’ll have a chance if I can find a way to fix all the problems I’ve caused.
“What if she doesn’t have to quit?” I ask with a grin.
13
Victoria
It’s three p.m. I need to leave to pick Sailor up from school. But the bills lying on the kitchen table are overwhelming me. Bills for the house. Bills for electricity and water. Bills to cover Amber’s treatment. And that doesn’t even include basic things like food and clothes for me and Sailor.
All I can see are bills. And no way to pay them.
What was I thinking, quitting?
I was thinking I needed to be here for my adorable ten-year-old niece. I was thinking that was what was most important. But it was stupid. My mom could have taken care of her for a couple of weeks. Because I can’t take care of Sailor if I don’t have any money to feed her.
I hear the doorbell ring, but I don’t move from my spot. I can’t deal with any more nosy neighbors coming to figure out what happened to Amber. I have to find a way to fix my problems. I have to find a way to make a lot of money and fast.
The doorbell rings again and then again.
I sigh. It’s probably an annoying kid. I run my hand through my hair. I can feel the tangled knots throughout my head. I haven’t showered in three days. I’ve either been at the hospital with Amber or on the phone, finding a treatment place for her, all while trying to distract Sailor from everything. Basic hygiene hasn’t been high on my list.
The doorbell rings again, and I finally force myself up from the table. I need to get up anyway to go pick up Sailor. I trudge to the door, not wanting to deal with any other humans today other than Sailor.
I open the door and fold my arms over my chest, ready to chew out whatever kid is there.
“Carter?” I ask, like I don’t know it is him standing in my doorway.
“What are you doing here?” I ask, hating that I’m in sweatpants and an old, ratty shirt. Why didn’t I shower today? Or at the very least, run a brush through my hair or apply some makeup?
“I’m here because I missed you,” he says, carefully choosing his words.
“I missed you, too,” I say without thinking, because it’s true. I missed him desperately. I missed the obnoxious way that he held me in bed. I missed the way his arms felt while wrapped around me. I even missed arguing with him about everything.
He grins. “Can we talk?”
My phone buzzes in my pocket. The alarm I set to go get Sailor is going off.
“Actually, I have to go pick up my niece.”
“Mind if I tag along?”
“Sure,” I say, even though I’m not sure at all.
Sailor will ask a million questions about Carter that I’m not ready to answer.
I step outside, closing the door behind me. I lead Carter down to where my car is parked a few feet away.
I climb into the driver’s seat, and Carter climbs in next to me. I start driving while Carter stares at me.
“What?” I ask, assuming he is looking at all my flaws and is about to criticize me.
“You look beautiful.”
I blush. “Stop it. I do not. I look like a mess.”
He tucks a strand of hair, which I’m sure is covered in grease, behind my ear. “You look beautiful because I’ve never seen you stronger.”
I bite my lip. I can’t believe he just said that.
“It’s true. I never realized how driven you were, how powerful you were, until recently. I’m sorry for that.”
I swallow and try to focus on the road. I can’t have him saying things like that to me right now. Our life is far too complicated. He has to pretend he is with Lily, and my life needs me here right now. We are on opposite coasts. Anything between us could never work.
“Stop analyzing this.”
“I’m not.”
He chuckles. “You are because you don’t know how this could work. But you’ve seen my work.