seems happier than I’ve ever seen him. No, maybe happy isn’t the right word. He seems content. Ease and calm I wouldn’t have expected to see from someone who just lost everything.
Cole’s phone buzzes. “I need to take this. Don’t kill each other.” Cole gets up and heads out through the front door.
“Don’t expect Cole to come back until later tonight. He’s still betting on us getting back together,” Knight says.
I nod. I guessed the same.
We begin gathering the dishes, and Knight washes them while I dry. We are about halfway through before Knight starts talking.
“Abri was the perfect girlfriend. She was smart, funny, beautiful. She understood me. That although I dressed like a bad boy and got into constant trouble, there was more to me underneath. She believed in me when I couldn’t.”
“We don’t have to do this.” I don’t think I can hear him talk about Abri.
Knight doesn’t stop though. “We ran away together after high school. Like I told you, we eloped and started a company together. I was the CEO, and her title was officially assistant, but she was my partner in every way. Three plus years later, the company was worth millions. We had it all. We were young, happy, and successful. But then I got Abri pregnant.”
Knight’s voice catches, and he stops washing the dishes and turns to me. His eyes are already burning with tears.
“It wasn’t planned. The condom broke. I thought she was on birth control, so I didn’t mention it to her. I didn’t want her to worry. But she was pregnant, and it was the best news I ever heard. Even Abri who was skeptical at first, she thought we were too young, was ecstatic.”
Knight swallows hard as he convinces his lips to keep moving and tell the rest of his story.
“The first couple of months went by quickly. We found out the baby was a boy, and we started buying everything. Decorating a room in the apartment. We went all out. But then the fights started. The worry set in. I felt Abri was working too much, and she didn’t want to give up her dreams for our baby. I told her I would take time off when the baby was born. We’d hire help. It would be fine.”
His tears fall hard and fast, but I can’t comfort him. I can’t make them stop, not until he finishes the story.
“Then, one night, the fighting got worse. I don’t even remember the words we were fighting about. Abri fell. I didn’t touch her. I tried to catch her, but I couldn’t. I raced her to the hospital. She gave birth a few hours later to Gideon. They said stress and anxiety caused her to go into labor early. It was far too early. The doctors couldn’t save him. He died in my arms as he attempted to take his first breaths.”
Tears are flooding our eyes now. “It’s not your fault.”
“It is. I got her pregnant even though she wasn’t ready. And I fought with her when all she wanted was help. Abri was perfect before I ruined her. She wasn’t the same after she lost the baby. Neither of us was.”
I want to comfort him. I want to make the pain go away, but it’s impossible. No words will help. No touch will soothe. This is his pain to bare.
“I should have stopped it before it came to this. You gave me a chance to stop it, and I didn’t listen.”
“Huh?”
Knight wipes his tears and then brushes mine away with his thumb. “Can I hold your hand?” His breathing is erratic, his chest rising and falling too quickly.
He’s asking permission to hold my hand. I want to hold his hand. It’s the first step toward forgiveness if I hold his hand. Am I ready for that?
I stare down at his hand, and before I realize what I’m doing, I reach out and take it.
He exhales at my touch like he wasn’t whole until I touched him.
He gently pulls on my hand, leading me out to the patio where a small loveseat sits. He motions for me to sit and I do, pulling him next to me. I’ve never wanted to be closer to someone as I do right now.
He tries to pull his hand away, but I hold it firmly. His eyes widen, and his pupils dilate. But his breathing calms at the gesture.
I open my mouth, but no words come out. I need him to finish talking. I need