I close my eyes to keep my pain in. “Mila, please. Can we talk first? Give me a chance to explain why I didn’t tell you we’ve met before. Then you can decide what you want to do.”
“No, I don’t want to talk. I’ve talked enough. I’ve heard enough. I quit, and whatever it is we are doing, dating or fucking, we are done.”
She steps back into the closet, and I can’t help but fight for her. I would do anything for her.
I stop at the closet’s edge as I watch her throw her clothes into her duffel bag.
“Stay, please. I’ll sleep in the guest bedroom.”
She continues packing.
“I’ll sleep at Cole’s place.”
She starts throwing shoes into the bag.
“Let me pay for a new place for you to stay.”
Her head snaps to me. “So you can keep tabs on me and know where I am?”
“No, I’ll give you the cash. I just want to make sure you’re safe.”
“I’ll be fine.”
She picks up her duffel bag, slings it over her shoulder, and storms out of the closet to the bathroom.
She starts tossing various other toiletries into the bag. Hairbrush, straightener, toothbrush. But then she stops and faces me.
“I can’t remember.”
My eyes widen. “I know. You have a perfect memory of everything else. You remember phone numbers, statistics, names, and spreadsheets. I know you would have remembered me, no matter how short of a time we met. I know you can’t remember.” Even though I wish you would. Or maybe I wish she could forget.
Her eyes pierce mine, and I stop talking. I don’t get to talk. Only her.
“I only remember bits and pieces in my nightmares. Never the full story. I only know what the newspapers wrote about that night and what my family told me. I know I fucked up then, but I’m not going to repeat my mistake by falling for another asshole.”
I nod, understanding but wishing I could help her fill in the gaps. The problem is I have gaps too. Not because I forgot, I could never forget her, but because I wasn’t there. And she never told me what happened. All I know is I’m the one that fucked up, not her.
“I can’t remember,” she repeats. “It’s like my brain shut everything off before that night. And my perfect memory now is a coping mechanism to flood out the memories from before. If I’m preoccupied with remembering my present, then I don’t have enough space left to remember my past.”
Mila looks at me like she wants me to talk, but when I open my mouth, she shakes her head and moves past me. I follow her as she heads downstairs to the kitchen. She walks to the fridge pulling out a bottle of water and drinks it like it’s her life savior. The only thing keeping her alive. Finally, she stares at me.
“I heard you and Abri.”
I swallow hard, the lump in my throat growing large as her words penetrate through me.
“Abri told me you beat her.”
I close my eyes, wishing there was something I could say to make her realize the words Abri said weren’t true. But I don’t deserve to get to defend myself.
“She said you killed your baby.”
I close my eyes. There is nothing I can say to refute those words or make my own pain lessen enough to be able to talk.
“Goodbye, Knight.”
Mila walks to the door, but I can’t let her leave. Despite the pain I feel every time I think of losing my child, I can’t let that pain overwhelm me and cause me to lose another person I love.
“Wait,” I run to the door and put a hand on it, stopping her from leaving.
“No words I say will be enough to make you change your mind about Abri and me, but I can tell you one truth. I didn’t realize who you were until I kissed you in the hospital and from that moment on, I realized you could help me. I was selfish. I wanted your help to take down Abri. I created a plan to sell the company to Cole to ensure she got nothing. But I thought you could help me take more from Abri because you had a connection to her when you were younger through Ren. I’m so sorry for using you. I never wanted to hurt you. I thought I could help you.”
I suck in a breath.
“But I don’t care about any of that anymore. I don’t care about hurting Abri. I