rooms. I unscrew the bottle of tequila and take a long swig.
“That bad, huh?”
I don’t respond. I don’t even feel the burn as it sets my throat on fire. I just keep gulping.
Lana gets up and slowly takes the bottle from me, before she wraps her arms around me.
I sob into her bony shoulder.
“Shh, it’s going to be okay.”
“No, it’s not. I have to move out. I have nowhere to go. No money. I think I have a twenty dollar bill in my pocket. I can’t even afford a tank of gas, let alone food or a place to stay.”
“Stay here. How will they know?”
A knock on the door. Ugh.
I walk to the door and throw it open as the RA stands there frowning at me. “I’m here to ensure you move out today. I will need your keys.”
I glance back at Lana in an I-told-you-so sort of way.
“Thanks, Aurora, for being so sensitive in Mila’s time of need.”
“It’s not my fault she kissed a patient and got expelled.”
“Suspended. I can come back in the spring. It’s just for a semester.”
“Well, you can’t be here now.”
“I know. I’m going to need some time to pack.”
She folds her arms across her chest like she’s going to stand in my doorway and watch me pack the entire time.
“Leave,” Lana says walking to the door.
“I’m supposed to collect her key.”
Lana rolls her eyes. “I’ll make sure she drops it off by noon. In the meantime, this is still my dorm room, and I can still kick you out whenever I want.”
Aurora sighs, but leaves.
“Bitch,” we both mutter after she leaves.
Lana smiles. “Swearing again, are we?”
I nod. “Only when people deserve it.”
She hugs me again. “It’s good to see the old you back.”
I frown. I hate the old me. The old me is what gets me into trouble. Although, the new me also seems to get me in trouble. But the old me has to come back if I’m going to survive.
“Are you going to go live with your sister?”
“No.”
“Where are you going to go then?”
I shrug. “I’ll live in my car until I find a job and figure something out. It will be fine. I’ll wait tables, bartend, babysit Ren’s kids some. I’ll make enough to survive, and then I’ll come back next semester. It’s not a big deal.”
Lana knows I’m lying. It is a big deal. And I’m not even sure if I can come back yet. But she doesn’t call me out on the lie.
She digs into her pocket and pulls about a ten and a five dollar bill. “It’s not much, but take it.”
I shake my head. “I can’t.”
“I’m not asking.”
“No, I’ll be fine. I’m not taking your money, Lana.” She’s broke, same as me. She doesn’t have family helping her. And she deserves the money more than I do. She isn’t the one with a constant stream of fuck-ups.
Damn, the cuss words just keep coming back. I haven’t even thought a curse word in years. Now they are staining my every thought and spilling out of me far too fast.
She sighs and puts the money back in her pocket.
“You can help me pack though.”
“I’d rather just give you the money,” she moans.
I chuckle and toss her my backpack to start filling up. I have a backpack and a duffel bag with a broken zipper. That’s all I have to pack my possessions in. Good thing I don’t have many possessions because there is no way I can even afford boxes right now to pack.
It takes us all of ten minutes to pack up everything I own. Some of my textbooks don’t fit so I’ll have to carry them, but otherwise, everything fits in the two bags.
Lana hugs me one last time. “Call me every day.”
I nod. “I’ll keep in touch. You can’t get rid of me this easily.”
“I’ll make sure our bitchy face RA gets your key.”
“Thanks,” I say putting my backpack on, draping my duffel bag over my shoulder, and picking up the textbooks I plan on selling. I won’t get much, but twenty dollars might mean the difference between eating or starving.
I glance one more time at the dorm room that had become my sanctuary. I had a full scholarship that covered everything. My classes, books, dorm room. All I had to cover was food. Something an occasional bartending job could cover. I took extra classes so I could graduate early. Now it’s all gone.
I will not cry. Not again, I repeat to myself as I walk