have to worry there’d be any Tonya Harding–style sabotage behind the scenes. And I have the cheapest salary in the world because you literally don’t have to pay me a penny. I just want the chance to do this—the chance to learn, and to perform, and one day to do this as a living.”
I can see it in their eyes. They’re not even considering it. They just think they’re being good parents by letting me talk.
I fight the burning tears in the corners of my eyes. “Please. I promise I won’t disappoint you. Please—just give me a chance.”
Dad clears his throat. Mom crosses her arms and sighs.
Despite everything, I can’t stop the first tear from falling.
“It’s not going to happen. This conversation was already discussed and closed. You’re going to school, Harley.” Dad doesn’t even blink when he talks to me. It’s like he’s trying to burn the words into my memory, in case I forget them again.
But I didn’t forget them. I just don’t accept them.
Mom reaches for me, like this time she wants to give me a hug, but I’m waving my hand in her direction because I don’t want her to step a single inch closer to me.
Can’t they see how much they’re breaking my heart?
Why does it not matter to them?
I yank the door open and storm out into the hallway, but I only make it three steps before I’m face-to-face with Tatya.
All the brilliant charm and light I usually find in her blue eyes has vanished, replaced by something cold and stern.
She shakes her head, her auburn curls flinging from side to side. “How could you?”
My mouth falls open, clamps shut, opens again. What did she hear? What does she think? “No, Tatya, it wasn’t what it sounded like. I only—”
“You only want Nina to replace me, so you can replace her. I heard you perfectly, Harley.” Tatya pushes her tongue against the inside of her cheek. She’s angry, and if I was anyone other than the boss’s daughter, she’d probably be shouting at me.
“I know it sounded bad,” I start, and now the tears are pouring. “But I told them you weren’t taking the job. I told them you weren’t going to leave. They were just talking about—”
“I trusted you. I wanted you to trust me. That’s why I gave you that card,” Tatya says in a dull, hurt voice. “Because family is supposed to have each other’s backs.”
“I didn’t mean—”
But I can’t get her to listen to me either, and the next thing I know, her back is turned and she’s walking toward her dressing room, and there are so many eyes peering out of their doorways that I feel like I’ve been set on fire.
Shame is the worst feeling I have ever felt in my life.
CHAPTER SIX
My pillow is a salty wet mess from the amount of tears I’ve cried since I walked through the front door. I want to text Tatya, to tell her she misunderstood and I’m not after her job, but I’m worried maybe some part of me is, even if it isn’t intentional.
I started off trying to make my parents see that Tatya isn’t going to leave. But by the end, when I saw an opening—a chance at my dreams—I didn’t hesitate. I wasn’t thinking about Tatya. I was thinking about myself.
Maybe that does make me the bad guy.
I think about calling Chloe, but then I realize I don’t know what I want from her. Reassurance that my dreams are valid? Affirmation that I’m not a horrible person deep down? Or hope that my parents might still change their minds?
Right now, I don’t think any of it matters. Because everything feels hopeless.
I think I’ve hit a dead end, and the realization that I’ve not only exhausted any chances of getting my parents to listen, but I’ve also forever ruined my friendship with Tatya, really hits me hard.
How can I ever train in Teatro della Notte’s gym again?
I can’t show my face there. Not after what she thinks I did. What I may have done.
I feel the circus slipping away from me like water through my shaking fingers. Panic sets in, and I don’t know how to stop it.
Chloe can’t make this better. Nobody can.
I roll to my side, trying to find a part of my pillow that isn’t soaked in tears, when a bright red corner of Popo’s photo album catches my eye.
Pushing myself up, I wipe my sleeves against my cheeks and pull the heavy book onto