Hardwood - K.M. Neuhold Page 0,50
shocked.”
She’s giving me the perfect opening to blurt out the truth. I can tell her now and get it off my chest once and for all. I dart another look at Livi, and my throat closes around the words I’m itching to get out.
“It’s new, let’s not make a big deal out of it.”
“Okay,” Val says, shrugging. “I’m happy for you, I mean it. I can’t wait to meet the lucky lady as soon as you’re ready.” She smiles at me, but I’ve known her for more than half my life, and I know what it looks like when she’s forcing a smile.
I’m gay, I prompt my mouth to form the words, but it stubbornly refuses to cooperate while my heart makes a valiant attempt to beat straight through my ribcage. It’s not a lucky lady, I throw at her mentally, which would be a hell of a lot more useful if she was telepathic. For the love of god, I like men.
“Are you okay? Your eyes are bulging out of your head.”
“I’m fine,” I mutter. Then, I clear my throat and try again. “Listen, Val…” She cocks her head and waits quietly for me to finish my sentence, and the longer the silence hangs between us, the more I start to panic. “I only have that lite maple syrup you hate.”
You fucking pathetic coward.
She laughs and looks at me like I’m crazy. “That’s fine. Beggars can’t be choosers.”
“Right,” I agree with a weak chuckle in return. “Livi, no video games at the table. Put that away and come grab a plate.”
The three of us sit down at the table to eat together, and while I dig into my breakfast, I can’t help thinking about how different things would’ve been if Val hadn’t gotten fed up and slept with someone else. Would I have ever worked up the guts to tell her the truth and leave? So far, all signs point to a big fat no. Watson asked me if I was bi, and the truth is I’ve spent years wishing I was. If I was bi, I could’ve loved Val the way I was supposed to, and the three of us could be a happy little family right now. Livi wasn’t exactly planned—Val wasn’t sure if she wanted kids at all when we found out she was pregnant. But I wonder if things would have gone differently if Val wanted a couple more after we both discovered the joy of parenthood. It’s easy to imagine an alternate reality where breakfast together isn’t an anomaly, where there’s a little brother for Livi and the four of us are just enjoying a weekend breakfast together as a matter of routine. Part of me is jealous of that alternate reality Ev, but part of me pities him too because he’s never had a kiss like the one I shared with Watson on Halloween.
Maybe when I manage to come out to her, I should also thank her for cheating. If she hadn’t, I wouldn’t have the chance at real happiness now.
I don’t want to get ahead of myself. I know we’ve only had one date, but it feels like the start of something real.
After we’re finished eating, I see them out and then clean up the kitchen. I’m in the process of deciding what to do with myself for the rest of the day when my phone vibrates in my pocket. I reach for it in a hurry, hoping it’s Watson calling, even though I don’t expect it to be.
Ollie’s name is displayed on the screen, and I swipe to answer it.
“Hey,” I say, heading into the living room and flopping down on the couch. “What’s up?”
“You tell me,” he says with a laugh. “I feel like I haven’t seen you in weeks.”
“We work together,” I point out. “You literally saw me on Friday.”
“I know, but you’ve been weird lately, skipping bar nights and making excuses every time we make plans to get together.”
Guilt sits heavy in the pit of my stomach. I want to tell him the truth. I want to tell them all the truth, but I have to tell Val first.
“I’m sorry,” I say, rubbing my hand over my face, knocking my hat off when I reach the top of my head, and dragging my hand through my hair as well.
“Don’t apologize. Just tell me you’re okay,” he says. Concern drips from his words, and I’m glad he was the one nominated to call me. I’m pretty sure Stone would’ve