Hard Knox - Riley Hart Page 0,76

wasn’t as if I was complaining about any of it.

Now, though, I knew everything was going to change. I’d moved back into Mom’s house, and I’d have to get used to sleeping alone again. It was crazy how you could spend your whole life without someone in your arms, but once you had them there, you didn’t know how you could survive without them. Okay, not that I thought I was going to die or anything, but I’d miss being an octopus with him while we were sleeping, and I knew it would be hard being alone now.

But I hoped, God, how I hoped the changes would lead to something good. That Charlie would like me the way Logan seemed to so far, and that they would understand and be happy when Knox told them we were together. That the four of us would go to the beach again, and to museums, and we’d play together with Frankie Blue in the yard, and I’d eat dinner with them and be able to spend the night.

I wanted to belong with them more than I’d ever wanted anything in my life.

But I knew that couldn’t happen right away. Knox was picking the kids up by himself. Since it was Charlie’s first day there, he thought it was important, and I understood. Other than the short visit when he’d picked up Logan, which had been all about her brother, he hadn’t seen her since Christmas. She hadn’t been to Havenwood since last summer. She needed some time with her dad before it became about the new guy hanging around.

I was sitting at the dining-room table when Mom came home with groceries.

“Oh, hey. Let me help you,” I told her, taking the load out of her arms.

“Thanks.”

We began putting the food away together. I liked doing things like this with her; so simple, yet they made me feel closer to her.

“What do you want for dinner?” she asked.

“How about we choose and cook together?”

Mom smiled. “I’d like that.”

We decided to make black-bean enchiladas. They were one of my favorites, and I wanted Mom to try them. “I think you’ll really like it. I hope we have the green sauce,” I said, looking through the cabinet before finding a couple of cans. “Can you grab a large bowl?” I washed my hands.

“Sure can.”

As we got started, she said, “I bet you’re excited to meet Knox’s daughter. Charlotte is her name, right?”

“Yeah, but she prefers Charlie. I’m definitely excited. Knox said she’s a wild one. She’s apparently got very strong feelings and opinions, is outspoken, loves to be in the barn working with him, but also wants her nails perfectly painted while she does it, not that I can blame her. Who doesn’t want beautiful nails while building things?”

Mom chuckled softly. “Well, she sounds great. And I know how much Logan means to you. It’s okay to be a little nervous too. You know that, right?”

I began opening cans. “Am I that obvious?”

“No, sweetheart. You’re just human. Who wouldn’t be?”

I paused, looked down at what I was doing as I tried to sort through all the thoughts in my head. “I, um…I love him. Knox, I mean. He says he loves me too, and I believe him, of course. It shocks the hell out of me—”

“Not me. How can someone not love you?”

I smiled. “You have to say that. You’re my mom.”

We snickered together.

“But yeah, Knox isn’t the type of guy to say something he doesn’t mean, ya know? Regardless, there’s this fear that he’s going to change his mind, realize he doesn’t love me or decide he doesn’t want to be with a man or doesn’t want something serious. That the kids won’t be on board, or Charlie will hate me, and he’ll have to do what’s right for them. Of course he would. I expect nothing else, but I…I want them, Mama. I feel like I belong. I never knew I wanted a family, and maybe I only do because it’s them, but I want them. I’m so scared it’s going to get screwed up and I’m going to lose them.”

“Oh, sweetheart. That’s a normal, healthy fear. We’re all a little afraid of being alone. It’s frightening when it matters, and that’s part of how you know it really does matter.”

“Well, that’s no fun. Can’t there be a better way to be sure than fear?”

“No,” she replied seriously. “But the thing is, you’re in there, even though you’re afraid. It takes a lot of