what my dad may have written might not be good to read while I’m actually in a good mood.
Instead of going for it, I hurry to the bathroom to take a quick shower. After my shower, I wrap a towel around my waist and go out to my bedroom again to pull my uniform out of my closet.
I try to distract myself from grabbing the letter and reading it but it becomes nearly impossible. After tugging my shirt over my head, sliding into my pants, and then gelling my hair, I sigh as I face the letter once again.
I decide I have nothing to lose so I grab it. The edges are crumpled and it looks a bit aged. I can see the ink through the folds and as I begin to unfold it, my heart beats louder and louder. The banging of my heart drowns all other sounds out as I finally get it open and read it.
To Nolan AKA my Dream Chaser
Have you ever caught one of those bad vibes during one of the best times of your life? I just performed one of the best shows of my life but I’m feeling a negative vibe tonight and you know I always write when I’m feeling a certain way. Of course, you’re the only one who actually takes the time out to read what I have to say. You and I have a bonding with words. It’s powerful and it’s kind of awesome that I’ve passed this gene down.
Music and words. It’s what we live for, right?
I don’t ever want you to change that. I never want you to forget about what you really love to do. I don’t expect you to get famous or even want to be famous. Like me, you want people to hear you out a little. You want to be humble with it.
Sometimes stress can get in the way of our dreams. Sometimes life just doesn’t seem fair but I want you to know that life is just what it is. Life. We can’t control it and we will never be able to. All we can do is hope for the best and make sure we don’t do anything that will make Karma want to stomp on our hearts with a pointy stiletto.
You know we’ve never been okay with money. I took up the gigs at bars to make some extra cash for us and to be the best dad I can be. Even though we don’t have it as good as we should, I know nothing will change between us all.
I’m not sure why I felt like writing this to you. I know if I’m okay tomorrow, I will never show it to you in my entire life but if I’m not okay . . . well your mother will know what to do with it. She’ll know when to give this letter to you.
You and Mills are my world. I don’t know what the heck I would do without you two boys. You get on my nerves, yeah, but it’s all love. It’s who we are. I want you to carry on what I taught you. I want you to practice every day, like I told you, and if you have to, make sure you stay up ‘til the late hours just to perfect your song. I know you’re already doing it, but continue it.
Always remember that when you have a passion for something, you can only make it stronger. When you are so deeply in love with something or even someone, you hang onto it. Never let it go. Love is everything in this world, whether we want to believe it or not. Love is what keeps some of us internal lunatics sane. I love you, little man. That’s a guarantee and it will never change. Even if I’m long gone, you’ll still feel the presence of me and my love.
Peace, family, love, and music. It’s all we’ve got.
Love,
Dad
I don’t know how many times I read over this letter but with each word, I feel a tear fall. I feel my heart breaking all over again and I know it’s not what he intended for me but it’s happening. He knew something was going to happen to him. But how? How did he know he was going to be an accidental target? My Dad always knew when something bad was going to happen to someone, especially himself. I always used to think he was psychic because he always knew when