it is. Shit happens for a reason, right? It’s what you always said to me about Dad? Shit happens.”
“This isn’t shit!” He shoves me against my chest and I stumble backwards a few steps. I gaze down at the blood from his hand that’s on my chest before looking up at him again. Panting heavily, he turns around and knocks everything off of the counter. Glass shatters and plugs become undone and I want to stop him just to slap the shit out of him. I want to tell him to quit being stupid and to cool down but I know I shouldn’t. I don’t stop him because I’ve wanted to do the same exact thing. I just want to flip shit over. “She’s fucking dead, Nolan. What’s the point in living without her? She’s all we had, man. We came back for her because she was supposed to survive. She was doing so good . . . she was literally smiling at us before going in. Now she’s dead? I just—it doesn’t feel real. It can’t be real . . . she can’t be gone.”
His glistening eyes turn on me and I feel the dryness scratching at my throat. The rims of my eyes burn but I force myself to keep strong. Mills finally slumps down in a chair at the table, suddenly weak at the knees. His bloodshot, teary eyes drift from mine to the glass table and he stares at it while I sigh, sitting across from him.
“We have to work today, Mills.”
“Fuck work.”
“We need the money,” I snap.
“Fuck the money, Nolan. Fuck everything.” He shoves away from the table and storms out of the kitchen. Keys jingle and then the front door slams shut behind him, letting me know he’s run off.
I flinch from the heavy sound, bringing my hands up and running them through my hair. I never would have thought shit would turn this bad. Never. I tried so hard as a kid to let my father go in peace and after a while I did but now that my mother’s dead it just seems so unreal. It seems as if I’m living in a nightmare that I need to be shaken out of. The misery just isn’t supposed to be happening again.
I don’t understand what I did to deserve this. I couldn’t have been that bad—in fact I know I wasn’t bad. I was good. I did everything I was supposed to do. My childhood was fatherless for the most part but I didn’t turn into one of the bad-ass kids in school. I was still Nolan . . . just a lost one. A hurt one.
Groaning, I push back in my chair to get to my room. Mills may not want to work but I have to. Someone has to make money and without Mom here, this shit is only going to get tougher. We have to pay the bills now. Getting rid of her house is something she never would have wanted but we can’t continue to stay in it. After a few months we’ll have to sell it. We’ll have to get rid of it and everything we’ve wanted to hold onto.
****
“Nolan, you feeling alright?” Tike asks me before I step out the door. Tike is one of the tour managers and there’s one thing about him I can’t stand. He worries about others too much. He’s a great manager and a great boss but when it comes to the personal life he can get a little too personal sometimes.
“I’m good, Tike. Just having a rough day. Nothing I can’t handle.” I rub the back of my neck as he stands just to sit on the edge of his desk. He smacks and chomps on his gum as he looks me up and down from behind his thick-rimmed glasses.
“You don’t look so good. Where’s Mills? It’s never like him to miss a day of work.”
“He wasn’t feeling well,” I lie.
“Well you look worn. Go home and get some rest. Sorry about making you pick up Leon’s shift as well but the check will be worth it, huh?” Somehow I don’t find his joke funny.
“Yeah.”
Tike studies me once more before finally sighing and standing from his desk. “Well, have a good night. I’ll see you tomorrow.” I spot the concern behind his eyes but I refuse to leave him any time to try and ask me if I want to talk about it. I’ve been trying to ignore it but it’s