Hard Hit by Toni Aleo (IceCats #3) - Toni Aleo Page 0,52

if me adding to that we messes everything up? I am a black woman, he is a white man, and there are more people out there like Willa who will see an issue with our relationship. Never in my life have I cared about that. I believe that all people bleed the same red blood, but I don’t want to screw this up for him. I refuse to be ashamed of my race or his. I am proud, but I don’t want Lilly to win somehow when Kirby is such a great dad to Celeste.

My mind is going a mile a minute, and I can’t shake this feeling that I am making a mistake getting involved with him. Given the warnings from Aviva and Nico, and now Willa, maybe I should listen. Maybe I should walk away.

I can’t be the reason this man doesn’t get to keep that bundle of perfection in his life.

But as I stare at the picture, his words, I don’t think that’s fair.

Fuck.

I lay my head on my desk, feeling dizzy from the whiplash of my feelings. One minute, I’m confident in us, knowing damn well I’m ready to open up. And the next, I’m wondering if I should text him and tell him maybe we shouldn’t do this.

Why is this so hard? Why aren’t I allowed to be happy? Why can’t Kirby? We deserve it. We’re good people, and damn it, we both love that baby.

Problem is, I care so much about Kirby and Celeste, I don’t know if I can risk ruining what they have. But can I live with the consequences of that? I lived more than a year without them, hating myself for not meeting him before his ex got pregnant. For not locking him in when I had the chance.

It just isn’t fair.

But maybe I’m not meant to be in love.

Chapter Nineteen

Kirby

* * *

I keep checking my phone for a text back from Jaylin. Celeste sits in my lap as the ocean water runs up on my feet. She’s swinging a shovel, throwing sand around in an excited little way. She’s so much fun. I laugh along with her as we dig in the sand and enjoy the beautiful day on the beach. I was hoping Jaylin would be here by now, but she said she needed to go by the office and her condo. I suggested grabbing a bag to stay, but she completely ignored that request and went on about how she had some work to finish. At my place. Which was hopeful.

Ever since she told me about that past relationship she doesn’t like to speak of, my mind has been reeling. I want to know it all. I want to know what happened, why it ended, and why she feels that’s the reason she doesn’t stay at any man’s house. Of course, I came up with every single worst-case scenario, but I’ve done a good job keeping those to myself. I haven’t pushed, nor have I asked again. Instead, all our texts have been playful and fun, my favorite thing about us. But now, she isn’t answering my text. I wouldn’t be alarmed since she did have things to do, but it was a picture of Celeste. Surely, she’d stop everything to text me back about this cutie.

CC looks up at me, grinning, and I kiss her sweet little nose. I can’t imagine not having moments like this with her. It bothers me that Lilly isn’t showing up, not just because it’s prolonging everything, but because it bothers me that she doesn’t want Celeste. I mean, is it in my blood to be abandoned? It troubles me and scares me that this is something that will affect Celeste when she is older. No matter how much I love her and make her life the greatest I can, she will experience pain when she realizes her mother gave her up. Or maybe she won’t.

Maybe things will become exactly what I want them to be with Jaylin, and Celeste will be so overly loved by both of us that she won’t yearn for her biological mom. As much as I want to believe it into existence, there is the issue of locking Jaylin down, along with Lilly not fucking everything up.

There are a lot of moving pieces, and with my mind going to every single worst-case, it’s going to be a battle. But this is a battle I need to win. I want the best for Celeste and me. And