It makes me feel even more sick, and I really do worry I’ll throw up again. At this point, my cheeks are flaming all the way to my ears, the redness crawling down my throat to my chest.
Sev and Dev stand tall, their heads held high like proud warriors, but I can see their anger in the set of their shoulders. This is a sombre walk, not a happy one like Carmen described. Tears fill my eyes, even as I try to fight them back. I don’t want them to perceive that weakness in me when they can already see all of me.
Each step I take away from the okkren is filled with terror. My whole body shakes, and my legs feel so weak, I can barely walk. Tears blur my vision as the waiting Totiv come into view. Their eyes feel like oil as they drag across my skin.
I feel violated and dirty.
I sob, unable to help myself. It hurts my mates, but I can’t stop, this feels just like another form of torture to me. I want to be strong, but I can’t. And when someone calls out a rude comment about my body, I freeze like a deer in headlights.
Dev turns with a snarl to the male, but it’s too late, I can’t move. I drop to the ground, shaking and crying. I can’t do this, I can’t—
Their minds wrap around mine protectively, giving me their strength as Takkar leans down and scoops me into his arms, covering me until not much of my skin is showing. It’s probably against the rules, but I can’t seem to care. I bury my red, hot face into his neck as he strides through the crowd.
He moves fast, getting this over with as quickly as he can for me.
I’ve survived worse, I know that.
Torture, almost dying…fuck, even my own nightmares, but this seems…more. Maybe because I was so close to happiness, I could taste it, only for it to be snatched away once again. I just keep telling myself if we get through today, that’s it, just today, one more day of pain, and then they are mine.
And I am theirs.
We rush through the crowd while I ignore the cat calls and lewd comments, concentrating on Takkar’s scent, and Sev’s and Dev’s minds until we stop. Lifting my head, I blink away the blurriness, my limbs still shaking. There’s a crowd around us now as we walk down a path towards a stage. It’s open to the air and provides a clear view for the crowd. The suns burn down on us, heating my skin, but I still shiver in my mate’s arms.
An older, cruel-looking Totiv stands on the stage glaring down at us, and in his eyes, I see anger and disgust. Is that just for us? Because we didn’t do this the way he approves of? Tough fucking shit, they’re mine and I’m theirs.
He can take his sanctimonious judgement and shove it where the suns don’t shine.
He clears his throat, and his booming voice echoes out far enough for all of the quieting crowd to hear. “Klan Rakkab, take your place before the board.”
Takkar squeezes me against his chest and leaps up the stairs behind Sev and Dev, stopping before a table where other Totiv are seated. The cruel Totiv is even worse up close—scars mar his face, and one of his eyes is milky and the other dark. He reminds me of Takkar, but my mate’s eyes are so much prettier. His thin lips are still pressed tight in anger as he looks at me in Takkar’s arms.
His eyes twitch, and I can tell he wants to call us out on breaking tradition, but the low rumble from Takkar dares him to try. It makes me smile for a moment before it’s dashed away by his sneering voice again. “Klan Rakkab,” he calls, the wrath in his eyes doubling as he speaks. He really hates us, and it makes me wither further in Takkar’s hold. “Is it your wish to complete the Vultana with this human female known as…” He purses his lips, looks me over, and seems to find me lacking. “Harlow?”
My mates stiffen at his distain, even as the crowd whoops and cheers, calling out more dirty comments. I hear my other Harvest sisters’ names and shiver in fear. I’m not like them, and if they expect me to be, they are going to be disappointed.