nothing you can do will make him less of a brother to me.”
When the next flood of accusations ended, Janya replied simply. “I hope someday you’ll want to be part of my life again, Aii. But it will be up to you to let me know. I’ll stop calling. When your grandchildren are born, I won’t bother you with the news. But know if you change your mind, our door will be open.” Then she replaced the receiver.
She had not felt half as calm as she sounded. Now tears washed away what was left of the pretense. She had no control over the things her mother did, but she could control what she herself did about them. Perhaps in the future her mother would understand how much she had lost and try to find her daughter again. But for now, Janya told herself, she still had a family. She had Yash.
She had Rishi.
She felt a hand grip her shoulder, and she turned and rested her head against her husband’s chest. He put his arms around her and held her until the tears finally ceased.
She stepped back and wiped her tears with the tail of her shirt. “Rishi, this isn’t the only sorrow in my life. I need to tell you something.”
He covered her hand and held it to his cheek; then he kissed her palm before he released it. “Not here, with your brother sleeping in the other room.”
She thought of her favorite spot on the beach, where she had never taken him. “I know where we can go.”
The evening was warm, but it felt familiar and comforting, except that the salt tang of the air was bracing in the way city air never had been.
They walked side by side, not holding hands, but their bodies brushing as they moved. Rishi was silent, as if he knew she was deep in thought and would not want to be disturbed. This was just another example of the ways he had changed, and how hard he struggled to be sensitive to her needs.
She wound through the brush, even when he protested that it was growing dark and they ought to be careful. “It’s not as wild as it seems,” she said. “This is my favorite place on the key. I should have showed it to you a long time ago.”
They emerged in the little cove where she and the other women had so often come to sunbathe and gossip. She thought of all the centuries when women in her own country had found places to be together and talk about things that mattered to them. Those places in villages and small cities were often associated with household chores like washing clothes or hauling water. But no matter where they were in the world, no matter who they were or whatever their differences, women always found other women to share their lives.
She stood looking out at the water, arms folded over her chest. Evening melodies were beginning, and Janya could see the lights of a ship moving slowly against the horizon.
“Yash told me that you helped him pay for his trip,” she said.
He sounded embarrassed. “He shouldn’t have told you. It’s no matter.”
“Of course it is. You are so good to me. You knew what having him here would do for my spirits. I’m so grateful.”
“He’s our family. I hope he’ll come often.”
“Rishi, that’s not what I need to tell you.” She faced him. “I don’t know how to begin.”
“Say it quickly. It will be easier.”
“Nothing can make it easier. I am ashamed.”
“Let me decide if you need to be.”
She wanted to turn away, but she knew she had to face him, to see his expression. “Darshan Tambe came to see me. He was on a business trip. I didn’t invite him, and I refused to open the e-mails he sent before he came, so I was not expecting to see him again. That much I did right. But he found where I lived and came here, to our house, and waited until I was alone. He asked me to meet him somewhere while you were away at work. He said he had to explain everything that had happened.”
Even though she was still facing him, she couldn’t read his expression. He was trying hard to keep his feelings to himself, but he nodded. “Go on.”
“We had been betrothed. I had been sure I loved him. I… That experience haunted me. It was so painful. Can you understand?”