Hammered (Blue Bay Crew #3)- Cathryn Fox Page 0,84

the depths of pain I’d been carrying around with me. My father died alone, none of us boys there to help him. He was clearly a man who had no idea how to give love, how to show it to his boys. But this…this here, these DVDs, say so much. They say everything.

“I wish I’d known.” I glance at Haven. “If I’d known, maybe I wouldn’t have stayed away so long. Maybe he wouldn’t have died alone and sad.” I press my palms to my eyes. “We all fucking abandoned him.”

“From everything you’d told me about your father, I don’t think he ever would have told you anyway, Ty.”

“You’re right, he wouldn’t have, but Haven, my God, when I have kids, they’re going to know their old man is proud of them. I’ll tell them every goddamn day.”

She pulls my hands from my face, and offers me a soft smile. “Yeah, you will. You’ll be a great dad,” she says, and my heart fills with everything I feel for her. I need to tell her. I need to tell her I went ahead and fell for her despite the rules we put into place. How could I not? She’s everything, and while neither of us are perfect, we’re definitely perfect for each other. Knowing my Dad did this, and that I wasn’t here for him, makes me want to speak up, take chances—never miss an opportunity to tell someone how much they mean to you. Fuck, I don’t want to lose anyone else I love.

“Haven,” I say. I take in her tired eyes as she watches me carefully.

“Yeah?”

I open my mouth, about to lay my heart on the line, when a crashing sound from outside cuts me off. Haven stiffens, and I put my hands on her shoulders. “I’m sure it’s nothing. Probably a racoon.”

“Damn racoons,” she says, her lids blinking rapidly. The noise obviously frightened her.

“You stay here. I’ll go check.”

I make a move to stand and she stops me. “Ty.”

“Yeah?”

“Are you okay?”

I exhale, and nod. “I don’t think I’ve ever been this okay.” I let my gaze fall to the stack of DVDs. “He was a lot of things, but he loved us. I know that now.”

“Yes, he did. He was proud of you all. His generation, they didn’t always know how to say the words, you know.”

“I know.”

She stifles a yawn, and I reach for her hand and pull her up. “Why don’t you go crawl into bed? You’re exhausted. I’ll be up in a few minutes. I just want to check on the boat, and do a perimeter check and find out what that noise was. I’ll lock the door, so don’t open it for any reason.”

“I won’t.”

I eye her. “Do you feel safe?”

She leans into me, her breath warm on my skin. “I always feel safe when I’m with you, Ty.”

Her words wrap around my heart and give a gentle squeeze. “Okay,” I say and drop a kiss onto her forehead. “Head on up and I’ll be there in a few minutes.” I give her ass a light smack and she yelps and heads up to the loft. Once she’s secure, I go outside, lock the door behind me, and spend the next fifteen minutes walking the property and checking on the shed and boat. Nothing seems out of the ordinary, other than a trash can tipped over. I have a new lightness about me, and I know Haven and I need to talk. I need to tell her how I feel before it’s too late, and she goes back to L.A. I’m not sure what will come of it, but it’s a chance I have to take. I’ve lost so much time with my father, years of being away and being resentful. I am not going to lose those years with Haven.

I unlock the door, and the place is quiet when I step inside. I head to the loft, my heart beating double time. I spot her beneath the covers. I’m about to call out to her, but stop when I hear her soft breathing noises. While I need to talk to her, I’m glad she’s asleep. She’s been exhausted. Deciding to wait until tomorrow, I undress and crawl in beside her. With a stupid smile on my face, I spoon her. As though needing my comfort and touch, even in sleep, she snuggles against me. I’ve been inside this woman numerous times, yet holding her like this, accepting my feelings for her, and