‘I just . . . ’ she murmurs. ‘I’m sorry, I don’t know why I didn’t tell you the truth.’ She forces herself to look at him, expecting to see loathing, but is surprised to see a softness there. Buoyed by the glimmer of hope, she presses on. ‘I have three children: Noah, Emmy and Jude.’
Justin sits back in his chair. If he feels anything like Lauren, he’ll have lost his appetite.
‘And may I . . .’ he chokes. ‘May I ask how old they are?’
She reaches across the table to take hold of his hand, knowing what he must be thinking.
‘Noah’s five, Emmy is eighteen months and Jude is five months.’
Justin lets out a long breath and pinches the bridge of his nose.
‘So you have a partner?’
Lauren nods.
Justin gets up from the table and walks over to the window, looking out onto the River Thames.
‘I didn’t think I’d ever be able to forgive you for what you did,’ he says, with his hands on his hips. ‘I hated you so much.’
Lauren silently pushes her chair away from the table and goes to join him, putting a hand on his back.
‘Yet here I am, seemingly still in love with you,’ he goes on.
‘Why did you hate me so much?’
‘You know why.’ His voice is strained, as if he’s struggling to sound normal.
She moves around to face him, putting herself in the firing line, inviting him to take a shot.
‘What did you expect me to do?’ she says, taking hold of his hands.
‘It was supposed to be a joint decision,’ he chokes.
Her hands fall away from his and she’s unable to keep her brow from scowling. ‘It would have been if you’d have stayed around for long enough.’
He laughs unkindly. ‘Are you kidding me?’
‘You abandoned me when I needed you,’ she says, conscious of the change in atmosphere. ‘I pleaded with you to talk to me, but you cut me off, as if I was dead to you.’
‘You were,’ he says, his face close to hers.
A tear unexpectedly falls onto her cheek and she quickly wipes it away.
‘I’m going to go now,’ she says, shaking herself down. ‘But know one thing; I never stopped loving you, and I honestly believe that if you’d stayed with me, our baby would be here today.’
He grabs hold of her arm as she moves past him, spinning her around. ‘You’d already got rid of it before I even had a chance to talk to you. What difference would I have made?’
‘What?’ exclaims Lauren, pulling back, away from his grasp. ‘What are you talking about? I begged you to come over, to talk to my parents. I swore to them that you’d stand by me, that we’d work it out, together, but you left me there to face it alone.’ The tears fall with no apologies and she pummels his chest with her closed fists. ‘I needed you, but you weren’t there. Why weren’t you there?’
Justin grabs hold of her flailing arms and stares intently into her eyes. ‘I was told you’d already had an abortion,’ he says loudly. ‘That’s why I left you. You took away our right to choose together.’
‘No, no, no,’ Lauren cries, shaking her head manically. ‘That’s not what happened. You left me before I had made a decision. And without you there I just couldn’t . . .’
The pair of them lock eyes, their pupils dilated with shock as they both suddenly realize that they were played off against one another in a wicked game of he said, she said.
Justin takes her head in his hands and kisses her hard, as if trying to quell the years of hurt and frustration that had built up between them.
‘I swear to you—’ starts Lauren, breaking away from him.
He kisses her again and she responds; his tongue, his touch, his smell, taking her back to the happiest and saddest time in her life.
‘I have never stopped loving you,’ he breathes, as his lips and fingers trail her neck, his feather-like touch setting her skin alight.
‘Make love to me,’ she whispers tearfully.
He picks her up and she wraps her legs around him, their kissing not stopping until he lays her gently on his bed. She can feel his weight on top of her, his desire evident.
‘Are you sure?’ he says.
She nods, just like she did the last time he asked that question twenty-two years ago.
35
Kate
‘I need the copy for the glamour model piece,’ shouts Lee across the news floor.