a dream none the less. The creeping realization that all the thinking, shouting and crying happened in real life chokes her mind and body with a grip so tight that she can barely breathe.
As soon as she got home from Jess’s flat she’d called Matt, desperate to hear his voice, desperate to tell him what was going on and desperate for him to tell her that she’d got it all wrong. But instead, he’d said he couldn’t talk and that he’d probably need to stay in Birmingham overnight.
‘I want you to come home,’ she’d said.
‘Has something happened?’ he asked, his voice thick with concern. ‘Are you okay?’
For a moment she considered saying no, but she knew what he was referring to and she could never demand his presence under that pre-requisite.
‘The baby’s fine,’ she’d said. ‘But I’d like you to come home once you’ve done what you need to do.’
Matt had laughed awkwardly. ‘Darling, you know how these things work. I could be here all night, but I’ll make sure I’m back in time for our hospital appointment in the morning.’
‘It’s got nothing to do with that,’ snaps Kate.
‘So what’s up?’
She’d thought about telling him over the phone, but knew that whatever was going on, needed to be spoken about face-to-face. And besides, what was she supposed to say? I think the woman who is there with you, hundreds of miles away from me, is actively looking to destroy my world? At best it sounded melodramatic and at worst needy; neither of which she was prone to being.
‘Why don’t you go to your mum’s?’ he’d offered. ‘If you don’t want to be on your own.’
‘I don’t want to go to my fucking mother’s,’ she’d said, battling to keep the lid on the pressure cooker she felt she was submerged in. ‘I want you to come home.’
‘But darling, I—’
‘D’you know what?’ she yelled. ‘Don’t fucking bother. Stay there. Do what you want – I don’t care.’
She’d thrown herself onto the bed, unaccustomed to feeling so vulnerable and out of control. She wanted to blame Jess; after all, if she hadn’t have turned up, Matt wouldn’t be with her. But then it occurred to her that it was Lauren’s fault for bringing her into the fold. If she hadn’t had gone looking, then they would still be blissfully ignorant, pretending that their family held no more secrets than any other. Though if it wasn’t for Rose, Jess wouldn’t exist for Lauren to have found.
All of a sudden, Kate’s whole world had felt as if it was tumbling down. It seemed that everyone she loved, and had thought she could rely on, was actually working against her. And the one person who would always have her back, no matter what, was dead.
As the night had worn on and her toxic thoughts had poisoned her brain, she’d called Matt again and again, looking to trade her paranoia for his reassurance, but every time, his phone had gone straight to voicemail.
She’d spent the next two hours scanning Jess’s Instagram feed, which was being constantly uploaded with stories of her drinking and dancing. Kate didn’t know what she was looking for – perhaps a flash of Matt’s face or a flit of his hand in the corner of a shot. Either of which, in her saner moments, would mean nothing – yet right there and then it would have confirmed her worst fear: that the husband she trusted and adored was having an affair with her half sister.
She imagined the pair of them stumbling back to their hotel and kissing in the lift, unable to control themselves for a moment longer. They’d have gone to Matt’s room and Kate wondered what he would have thought about as he lowered himself on top of her. She doubts it would have been his baby’s scan the next morning.
‘Stop!’ she’d screamed out loud, in the hope that it would knock some sense into her. And for a second it did, but just as soon as she’d managed to banish that thought from her mind, she was hit with a barrage of others.
There was seemingly no doubt now that Jess was her half sister – two hospital tags with the same date, had to be more than coincidental. But she still refused to believe she could be her father’s child. It’d be the more obvious choice of course, but as far as Kate’s concerned, he would never have betrayed his family. Betrayed her. No, if anyone was capable of doing