I?’ says Kate, her grief suddenly magnified by the memory of the dream. She can recall her father so clearly – see him standing there, smiling up at her, willing her on – how could he not be here in real life? It makes her want to clamber back into her night-time vision so she can see him, touch him, smell him. The realization that that will never happen again snakes around her heart.
Matt puts his mug in the sink and takes her in his arms, folding himself around her, and she wishes she could stay here all day. Protected from the outside world, keeping their baby safe. How ironic, she thinks. That I want nothing more than for this baby to have a life, yet I’m already scared I won’t be able to shield it from what life may have in store.
‘Will you be okay?’ Matt asks, as if he can hear the exhausting thoughts that are filling her brain. He knows her so well that he probably can.
She gives a little nod into his chest.
‘Do you want to talk to me when you’re ready?’
She looks up at him, smiling gratefully. ‘Thank you.’
‘Look after yourself,’ he says. ‘I’ll see you tonight.’
She doesn’t want him to go, because when he does, she’s going to be forced to face the day and the very real problems that Jess’s appearance has caused.
She waits until she’s had a shower and done her make-up before making the call, her confidence strangely bolstered by a flick of mascara and swipe of lipstick. As Lauren’s phone rings, Kate’s still inspecting herself in the mirror, leaning in closer to retrieve the gloopy residue that sits in the corner of her eye.
‘Hey, it’s me,’ she says, over-cheerfully.
‘Hi.’ Lauren sounds wary and Kate can’t blame her.
‘Look,’ says Kate. ‘I’m sorry about how I acted yesterday. I said some unfair things that I really didn’t mean.’
‘About how Jess turning up suited me?’ Lauren says pointedly.
‘Mmm, yes, I don’t know why I said that.’
‘So how are you feeling today?’ asks Lauren.
‘Honestly? Like shit. I dreamt about it all night and when I woke up this morning, I honestly thought Dad was still alive and that woman was a character from my worst nightmare.’
‘I had a pretty rough night as well,’ admits Lauren.
‘Have you spoken to Mum?’
‘Not yet, you?’
‘No, I think it might be better if you have a chat with her first, just to see how she’s feeling.’
As much as Kate tries to ignore it, it pains her that that is the natural default setting of their family dynamic. It had become even more so since Lauren had had children. Kate supposes that’s what happens when a woman’s daughter has her own babies; the two of them instinctively come together, as if it’s an exclusive club that only those who have borne a child can be members of. Kate caresses her stomach, as if hoping to find a bump there. She can’t help but feel disappointed when she doesn’t.
‘Yeah, I think you’re right,’ says Lauren. ‘I was going to pop round there once I’ve dropped Noah off at school.’
‘Okay, let me know how it goes, will you?’
‘Are you not going to talk to her yourself?’ her sister asks.
‘I will do later,’ says Kate. ‘But I’m at work all day, and anyway, I’m sure that now we’ve all had a chance to think about it, we know that what that woman said yesterday was just completely farcical.’
‘So, you don’t believe her?’ asks Lauren.
Kate feels her hackles rise, unable to believe that Lauren would even feel the need to ask.
‘Of course not!’ she exclaims. ‘Why, do you?’ There’s a delay at the other end, just a few seconds, but it’s enough to give Kate a clue as to what’s coming.
‘I . . . I just think we should listen to what she has to say,’ says Lauren hesitantly.
Now it’s Kate’s turn to go quiet, as she tries to make sense of what Lauren’s suggesting.
‘I just think we should hear her out,’ Lauren goes on. ‘You never know, she might have unequivocal proof.’
‘And this is how you’re going to approach it with Mum, are you?’ asks Kate eventually.
‘Well, I’ll play it by ear,’ says Lauren.
‘May I make a suggestion?’ says Kate, unable to keep the frustration from her voice.
‘Sure.’
‘This woman—’
‘Jess,’ cuts in Lauren.
‘This woman,’ repeats Kate, ignoring her, ‘turns up, out of nowhere, at our family home, claiming to be our father’s daughter.’
‘Yes,’ says Lauren.
‘And your immediate thought is that it might be true?’