Half Lost (The Half Bad Trilogy #3) - Sally Green Page 0,43
me wants to kill them all, wants revenge, in full. No half measures. But another part of me, the White Witch part, the logical part, says . . . that will only bring on more killing, and it will never end.”
“And your father’s side is winning the argument but your mother never has a chance to give her side.”
I shake my head. “I don’t know if she’d disagree. Her life was fucked up by the White Witches as much as mine has been, maybe more.”
“And so?”
“And so I intend to fuck theirs up too.”
“And would you go if Annalise wasn’t there? Is this really about getting her?”
I shake my head. “I hate her and I want justice for my father. But this isn’t about Annalise. I’d do it even if she wasn’t there. Even if she was already dead. I want an end to the war, an end to Soul, an end to all of those who side with him.”
“Well, you might not be able to kill them all, Nathan. You’re not all-powerful. And there’s only one of you. Soul has a whole army.”
“It won’t matter how big an army he has if he can’t hurt me.”
“War hurts, Nathan. It’s not just physical wounds. It screws you up. It screws everyone up.”
“Even you?”
“Of course even me. I’ve killed people. I’ve watched our friends die. I’ve watched you nearly die and every day it hurts me and . . . I see how it hurts you.”
“Would you leave for me, if it was the other way around?”
I don’t know why I ask that as I expect him to say yes straightaway but he thinks about his answer and then says, “I’m not sure. I’m not even sure if that question makes sense to me. I think the question should be: what would I do if I was in your shoes? And all I know is that you’ve been through a lot, you’ve suffered a lot because of these people, and if I was standing where you are I’d probably do the same thing. I’m not against what you want to do, Nathan. I want you to be sure about it, because you won’t be the same person afterward.”
“I am sure of it, Gabriel. But I’d like you to stay with me. Help me.”
“Of course. You know I’ll stay with you. Always.”
* * *
I go to see Celia to tell her my plan, though as usual it’s not much of a plan, more of a vague intention, but I also want to discuss something else with her.
I tell her, “Van thought that Soul wanted me alive. She thought he wanted to use me as a weapon.”
“Yes. I discussed that with her and I agree. I don’t know Soul well, but the little I saw of him makes me believe that once he sets his mind on something he’ll go after it. I think he’s set his mind on controlling you. Having you in his power.”
“And yet he sent Donna to kill me.”
Celia gives a small shake of her head. “No. Donna was working with the Hunters. She was sent by Jessica. I imagine Jessica spotted her and trained her. I wouldn’t be surprised if Soul didn’t know anything about her.”
“I thought the bullet must have been made by Wallend.”
“Possibly it was. I don’t know. But I’m sure Soul would rather have you alive and I’m equally sure that Jessica wants you dead. The Hunters and Council work together but the Hunters always believe they are superior to the Council and the Council must always be careful to control the Hunters and not give them too much power.”
“I wonder if Jessica would want to take over the Council.”
“She’s intelligent and ambitious, the youngest-ever leader of the Hunters. There were a few people who were unhappy about her appointment after Clay was removed, but she dealt with them. Clay promoted her and nurtured her career but she did nothing to help him when he was accused of failure when the Fairborn was stolen from him. Jessica’s ruthless and a Hunter through and through. She believes in their superiority.”
“Ha! She believes in her own superiority and always has.”
“Another reason, then, why she might believe she should control both the Hunters and the Council. I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s her long-term goal. If you were to come under Soul’s power it would be much harder for her.”
“Another reason for her to want me dead.”
“And another reason why Soul would want you alive and under his