Half Lost (The Half Bad Trilogy #3) - Sally Green Page 0,26

was no good or bad in it.”

“That was about using your Gift. There isn’t anything good or bad in the animal you.”

“I’ve killed people when he took over, when the animal took over.”

“You killed for food or to survive. You didn’t murder people in their sleep.”

I shake my head. “No. If I kill as an animal, I eat people, Gabriel. And I’ll tell you something—eating people isn’t good. None of it’s good. If I kill as an animal or a person, the end result is the same: there’s another dead body at my feet.”

“As an animal you don’t kill through hate.”

“Hunters are my enemies. Do you want me to love them to death?”

Gabriel shakes his head. “I said before all this started that the Alliance would only be interested in how many you could kill, and you’d kill a lot. I stand by that. They want you to get the amulet and kill Soul for them. And they’ll let you kill many others along the way.”

“You want Soul to carry on?”

“No. But I’m more concerned for you than him.”

“If I get the amulet and it works I’ll be invulnerable.”

“That’s what I’m worried about. Another thing I said was that I thought Annalise would see the Black Witch side of you, see the killing you do, see how you change, and she’d come to dread you. I stand by that too. Though I admit I wasn’t that bothered about it. I never liked her, never trusted her, never understood your attraction to her. And I admit I wanted her to see that side of you. I wanted her to realize that you weren’t right for each other. But . . . what makes you Nathan—what makes you so special—is that you are both White Witch and Black Witch, both dark and full of light. That’s what I love about you. What I’ve always loved. And I love you still, Nathan, and I know I always will. But you’re changing. And now . . . now what I fear is that you’ll get the amulet and you’ll hone the Gifts you took from your father. You’ll be invulnerable and you’ll kill more people, many, many more people. I fear you won’t be able to stop and you’ll lose yourself completely. And then I’ll come to dread you too.”

Spit

I sit up and watch the fire, thinking about what Gabriel said to me. Of course I don’t want him to dread me but I remember my vision and him beckoning me over, the gun in his hand. Would he ever shoot me? I can’t believe that. Even if he dreaded me, he wouldn’t do that. And as for all the stuff about losing myself—I feel like for years I didn’t really know who I was, but now that I know I’m more and more like my father, I feel clearer about that, good about that. To do what I need to do, to kill Soul and Wallend and bring an end to their reign of terror, I have to be as tough and ruthless as Marcus was.

The next day we have one last slow scout around and then work our way back to Camp Three, arriving as it’s getting dark. Nesbitt immediately goes to look for Van, but Greatorex tells us that she has left because she was needed at Camp One.

I ask her, “Has something happened?”

“You need a haircut,” a different voice interrupts before Greatorex can reply.

I turn to find Celia looking me up and down. I haven’t seen her for months and I inspect her too. She’s looking tired and thinner but otherwise as neat and ugly as ever.

She says, “Good to see you’re still with him, Gabriel.”

We sit by the campfire and Celia asks about my Gifts and I tell her I think I might be able to stop time soon. I expect some criticism for attacking the Hunter camp but she’s more interested than irritated and seems pleased that I managed to overcome eight of them. “But, of course, eight is nothing. Eighty is how many you will have to beat if you want to get to Soul.”

I expect her to go on about the amulet but she doesn’t mention it.

I ask, “And if I do go up against Soul, how many Alliance soldiers will there be to back me up?”

“In truth, not as many as I’d like. But Soul rules by fear. If we can defeat him, many of those too scared to stand up and fight him now