Guilty Bastard (Grim Bastards MC) - Shelley Springfield Page 0,21
of shock on Trix’s face would have been comical if I didn’t see anger flashing in her dark eyes. “Oh, I think you will do just fine.”
She looks back at Addy and says, “I have something important to talk to Lisa about. Why don’t you take Theresa upstairs and show her the baby’s new pictures?”
“Sure thing,” Addy says, motioning for Theresa to follow her out of the room.
Just before they walk away, Trix issues an order. “Not a word of this to anyone.”
She shuts the door behind them and looks back at me. “What did she mean, take over for you? I haven’t heard anything about you going anywhere.”
“I’m just going to my sister’s,” I say, not quite telling her the truth but also not quite lying. “I haven’t been up to see her in months.”
Her eyes narrow as she asks, “Does Boz know you’re leaving? You know how he is. He doesn’t like to be surprised about shit, especially if it involves the club.”
“Not yet. I planned on going to talk to him as soon as I finished going over stuff with Theresa,” I lie outright this time.
She takes a step closer to me, her voice turning lethal. “How about Round? Have you mentioned your little trip to him?”
Sometimes, I forget this girl grew up in a biker club. She’s a club princess, the Satan’s Revenge Pres’s kid. Times like now, I’m reminded that she was raised to be a badass bitch. Becoming our Pres’ old lady just solidified her position of power.
“No, I haven’t mentioned it to him yet,” I answer, not willing to lie again.
“You planning on telling him anytime soon?” she asks, taking a step back.
I shake my head. “No, I’m not.”
Judging by her balled fists, she doesn’t like my response. “Why the hell not?”
“If I tell him, he’ll keep me from leaving.” My eyes meet hers as I try to figure out how to answer her. “As much as I love him, Trix, I can’t spend the rest of my life being nothing more than a bed warmer.”
Just saying those words almost makes me sick to my stomach, but they’re true. That’s all I am to Round, and it’s all I’m ever going to be. As much as it hurts me to leave him, I deserve more than being his whore.
“You know he doesn’t think about you that way,” she replies, her voice softening. “We all know how much Round cares about you.”
A part of me wants to agree, but a bigger part wants to shout in denial. “Until a few days ago, his and Lauren’s wedding picture hung on the wall in the bedroom where we sleep. Do you know what it’s like to go to bed every night and sleep with a man you love, knowing that he can’t let go of his dead wife?”
She sucks in a shocked breath, but I ignore it and go on. “A book she was reading is still sitting on the end table in the living room, opened to the last page she read. All of her clothes, shoes, and her jewelry are still in the bedroom. Her makeup, perfume, and robe are still in their places in the bathroom. Pictures are all over the house, and I’ve been living out of a duffel bag since the day I moved in.”
“Lisa, it has to be hard to lose someone after...” Trix starts, but I cut her off with a shake of my head.
“No, I get it. He loved her,” I reply, being completely honest. “I don’t begrudge him that. I just wish he could love me, too.”
The pain in my voice is almost embarrassing. What I’ve been doing my best to hide from everyone is easy to hear each time I open my mouth. The boys may not hear it, but I’m sure Trix does. It’s pure and utter heartbreak.
She goes quiet for a minute, before she finally nods her head. “Do me a favor?”
“What?” I ask, surprised by the quick switch in topic.
She walks to the door and opens it. Just before stepping out, she looks over her shoulder and says, “Wherever you end up, find a way to truly be happy.”
10
Round
Walking across the clubhouse, I head straight to the bar and get a beer. I barely take a decent drink of my beer when Smoke sits down in the seat beside me. He tells the prospect to get him a beer and a shot of Jack. As soon as the drink is in his hand,