‘He’s been angry with me for years.’ Jessie couldn’t stop talking. ‘It’s been hard to live with. I was able to tell him how much I loved Rory. He said he knows that now. I couldn’t have imagined … Just, thank you, thank you. I’m very … you know … You’re great. We love you. Everyone loves you. Thanks. Right. See you at the dinner from Hell.’
FIFTY
‘Nervous fecking wreck.’ Jessie hurtled across the restaurant to Cara. ‘That’s me. If there’s one single thing wrong with the food tonight, I’ll get the blame.’
Poor Jessie, Cara thought. Tonight would be grim for them all, but extra so for Jessie: Canice and Rose had commandeered the posh restaurant outside town for their special evening, then demanded Jessie bag them Ireland’s most in-demand on-telly chef to cook for them.
‘Something’s bound to go wrong,’ Jessie said. ‘And I’ll be keelhauled. Whatever the hell that is.’ She plucked two glasses of champagne from a passing tray. ‘Drink up. If we survive this, I’ll buy us all new livers. There’s Nell, grab her.’
Nell was wearing the sexy, aubergine-coloured body-con dress she’d brought to Kerry, but not worn, a couple of months back.
‘You look uh-maaaay-zing. And heels! Look at you in heels!’
‘I can’t walk in them.’ Nell laughed. ‘Liam says I look like a builder.’
‘Don’t mind him,’ Jessie said. ‘Oh, sweet Christ, Rose is in da house. Cluster close to me, daughters-in-law of doom.’
Cara slid a glance across the room. Rose was glammed up in a purple taffeta gown, not that Rose would ever describe the shade with as banal a word as ‘purple’. It might be ‘mauve’ or ‘amethyst’ or ‘grape’ – her type seemed to have an entire lexicon to convey the exact hue of their clothing.
‘Monique’s has pulled out all the stops.’ Jessie’s face was set in a giant fake smile.
‘Enough internal scaffolding in that dress,’ Cara said, ‘to construct an office block.’
‘Smile. She’s probably watching.’
Cara took another look and felt physical shock from Rose’s piercing stare. ‘She is. She knows we’re talking about her.’
‘Smile,’ Jessie ordered Nell. ‘Whenever you’re talking about her, smile like a loon. Like me, look.’ She lunged at Nell with a mouthful of flashing-white teeth and Cara fell about laughing. ‘Sorry. Mildly hysterical here.’
Oh, thank you, God. Here come the canapés.
She took four, even though decorum decreed she should choose only one. Or, even better, none. But the food would calm her.
‘You’re fairly new to this game,’ Jessie told Nell. ‘But the only way to survive Rose is strength in numbers. You must remember it’s not personal.’
‘It is personal,’ Cara was compelled to say.
‘Is it, though?’ Jessie said. ‘Because she’s a bitch to all of us?’
‘She’s an equal-opportunities bitch.’
‘If a mother-in-law bitches in a forest,’ Jessie mused, ‘but there’s no one there to hear her cackle … Ah, no, this analogy is going nowhere. Where’s that lad with the champagne? But let me tell you, Nell, not all mothers-in-law are like Rose. I had another, one of the nicest women I’ve ever met –’
‘Who are you talking about?’ Johnny approached. ‘My mother?’
Jessie turned to him. ‘Yeah, right!’
Then all of them laughed far too hard.
It was a long night and she ate everything: too many canapés, too much bread, the amuse-bouche, the extra potato gratin, her own dessert and now Ed’s too. He hadn’t wanted it and she couldn’t stop herself.
Canice was standing up to make his speech.
‘This’ll be good,’ Cara heard someone say. ‘He’s gas. A real comedian.’
Canice beamed around the restaurant. ‘Look at them all, the great and the good of Beltibbet. Enjoying your dinner, are you? Because if you’re not, take it up with Jessie over there. She’s the one to blame.’
Cara threw Jessie a sympathetic look.
‘I’ve lived in this town and worked for the people of this town, all my life …’
Cara zoned out a bit as Canice made bitchy stabs at various poor bastards who had the misfortune to live in the same place as him, then zoned back in when Canice started talking about his family.
‘… As you know, I’ve three sons. Johnny, bit of a fly boy, wants life to be one long party. But, all credit to him, married into money. So what if the wife is a bit of a sergeant major? Can’t he muffle the noise by stuffing his ears with fivers!’
He paused to let everyone laugh.
‘Shur I’m only joking, Jessie!’ He twinkled at them. ‘Now Ed. Ed and his beloved trees. Married to the lovely Cara. There