He’d held out hope that she’d snap out of this as suddenly as she’d started.
But yesterday when he’d come back from fetching Ferdia and his mates, he’d found her in the kitchen hurriedly, furtively, crunching something in her mouth. Her cheeks bulged and her eyes were frantic. She didn’t explain what was happening – and he hadn’t asked.
Why not?
Because he hadn’t wanted to shame her. If she wasn’t ready to tell him, was it right to blow her cover? He sensed it would be a bad idea to force it, a little like waking a sleep-walker.
However, finding these wrappers – stashed in a place where she thought he wouldn’t look – meant something needed to be done. He was worried for her health, he was worried about what her trouble with food might be doing to Vinnie and Tom, but it was more than that. He and Cara were best friends. Even when she disappeared into herself, he was prepared to wait it out. She knew he would – it gave her solace, she’d once told him.
But by doing whatever she was doing now, she’d removed a part of herself entirely from his reach.
The Berocca forgotten, he climbed back into bed.
FORTY-NINE
When Johnny woke again, he felt less apocalyptic. News reached him that the climbers hadn’t set off yet. According to TJ, Ed was ‘in a bad way’: ‘Auntie Cara said she’d never seen him so drunk as he was last night. We’ve all been swimming while you and Uncle Ed were sleeping. But Uncle Ed’s getting up now.’
‘You know what, bunnies? I’m coming on the climb.’
‘No!’ Dilly yelped. ‘You’ll have a relapse if you get up too soon! I’m getting Mum.’ She pointed at TJ. ‘Don’t let him out of that bed!’
But as soon as she’d scampered away, TJ nodded towards the shower. ‘Go for it.’
Jessie was waiting when he emerged from the bathroom. ‘You sure about this, babes?’ She was more solicitous of him than he ever remembered her being.
‘The shower helped. Maybe the exercise and the oxygen will too. You only regret the things you don’t do. Right?’
She paused. ‘I’m a nightmare. How do you put up with me?’
Surprisingly, considering how drunk so many of them had been the previous night, there was a big turnout for the climb. Apart from Nell, who had some deadline, everyone was there – even Ferdia and his cohort.
Perhaps it was the weather. The sky was a perfect blue and the heat of the sun was cut by a balmy breeze.
Assembling in the car park at the foot of the mountain, Johnny had to bend over, his hands on his knees, waiting for the dizziness to pass.
‘State of you!’ Ferdia mocked. ‘D’you need a sick-bag?’
‘Call yourself young.’ Johnny strove for a cheery voice. ‘In my day, we wouldn’t have been up until six in the evening.’
‘We’re making memories.’ Sammie was already taking photos.
Christ, not another one. Living’s such hard work, these days. Every moment has to be Instagram worthy.
Ed was slowly emerging from the passenger seat of his car; he and Johnny locked eyes and laughed. Lurching across the gravel, they half fell into each other’s arms.
‘You’re so white you’re luminous.’
‘That’s an improvement. I was as green as a mint Aero earlier, according to Vinnie. Should we be doing this?’
‘Kill or cure.’
‘Right. Up we go.’
Johnny fell into step with Dilly because she was the slowest. He could pretend that he was hanging back to make sure she was safe. TJ walked alongside them. Then a stray-seeming dog came and kept them company. It was a lovely dog, part spaniel, part … lurcher, maybe. Friendly, bright-eyed, keen to play.
To his alarm, Johnny felt, once again, tearful. The uncomplicated love of an animal was a beautiful thing. If only he was at home in Dublin with Camilla and Bubs …
As if she’d read his mind, TJ said, ‘I wish Camilla and Bubs were here.’
‘Me too.’
‘Will they be okay with McGurk?’
Johnny had his doubts. He had a vision of McGurk with his clipboard, punishing the dogs for some tiny infraction. ‘Course!’ He was all reassurance. ‘McGurk is very reliable.’
‘McGurk’s a weirdo,’ TJ said. ‘He doesn’t like animals.’
‘He doesn’t like people either, but he likes being reliable. The dogs will be grand with him.’
‘I think I prefer animals to people,’ TJ said.
‘I think I do too.’
‘When I grow up, I might be a farmer. Or a vet.’
‘Or a zoo-keeper.’ Johnny suddenly realized that that was his unfulfilled life ambition.