For all her giddy insistence that there was enough money swilling around, she knew, oh, she knew that her spending verged on out-of-control. No need for her to see Cara’s accounts, because, lodged deep in her soul, was an internal calculator. Most of the time she stayed resolutely deaf to its incessant clicking, but now and again, often just before she fell asleep at night, it suddenly became like a fruit machine that had hit the jackpot.
Neon price tags would start flashing – the staff party, the school fees, the overtipping, the crazy-dear jacket for Saoirse because she was a good girl, the first-aid course for Bridey because she wouldn’t shut up about it, the smartwatch for poor Johnny because she worried that he felt neglected …
Carrying four glasses, she shuffled back into the dining room – she couldn’t chance any striding movements in these lethal fecking shoes. Christ, she’d ordered a lot of food!
Johnny came in and stopped short. ‘Jessie. There’s enough here to feed half of Aleppo.’
‘And more in the kitchen. A Syrian speciality made with lamb, cherries and pomegranate molasses.’ She’d made the lamb dish herself, the only one of the entire meal, because she hadn’t been able to buy it anywhere in Dublin. ‘Me and my bougie notions, Ferdia says. Apparently I can’t talk to someone for more than a minute without inviting them over.’
‘He’s a cheeky feck, but maybe this time he has a point.’
Kassandra had already had a couple of play-dates with Dilly – she was just a regular kid. Perla, understandably, was different. At the play-date handovers, her facial muscles barely moved. There was an awful deadness to her. Driven by a helpless need to nurture, Jessie had blurted out a dinner invite, without thinking through the implications. What were she and Johnny, in their safe, comfortable lives, going to say to a woman who had seen horrors they couldn’t even imagine? She’d begged Nell and Liam to come as moral support.
When she’d mentioned it to Ferdia, he’d said, ‘She’s not just some freak show.’
‘I never said she was.’ Christ, she couldn’t open her mouth to him.
‘Oh, look, we’re white and middle-class, let’s gather round and poke a stick at an asylum-seeker.’
‘I’m poking a stick at no one, Ferdia. I’m just giving the woman her dinner. But you’re studying sociology. You’ve a social conscience.’ Allegedly. She never saw much evidence of it. ‘I thought you might be interested.’
‘Johnny,’ she said now, ‘did you find any Syrian music?’
‘Found. Downloaded. Ready to go.’
‘Do you think it’ll be okay if we drink? Like you, me, Liam and Nell?’
‘She doesn’t drink?’ Johnny asked. ‘Right! Of course. Maybe we shouldn’t either. Do us no harm to give it a miss. Or is that being condescending? I’m way out of my comfort zone here.’
‘Johnny, babes … I’m kinda dreading this.’
He laughed out loud. ‘Oh, Jessie, you and your randos. Come here.’ He gathered her in a hug and she let him.
‘Do you think she smokes weed?’ Jessie asked, leaning against him. ‘Could we get some from Ferdia?’
‘Are you serious?’
‘Jesus, I dunno. I just want her to have a nice time …’
The doorbell rang. Dilly and TJ thundered down the stairs, claimed Kassandra and ferried her off. It was all so easy for kids. Nell, who’d mysteriously come without Liam, had to put up quite a fight not to be dragged along with them.
Perla presented a small box of strange East European chocolates. They’d clearly been bought from a cut-price outlet like Dealz and it broke Jessie’s heart. ‘Come in, come in, come in.’ She led the way into the living room and sat Perla down.
She was a small-framed, serious-eyed woman in loose, drab clothing and Jessie had to resist the urge to put a blanket across her knees.
Out of nowhere, Ferdia appeared. Well, that was nice. Jessie did the introductions, then asked Perla what she’d like to drink. ‘We have water, apple juice, Diet Coke …’
‘White wine, please,’ she said.
‘Oh! … Sure! What do you like? Dry? Sweet?’
‘Do you have a Sauvignon blanc?’
‘Indeed we do!’ Johnny was almost bellowing with relief.
Perla accepted the glass, took a sip, closed her eyes and sighed. ‘Wine, I’ve missed you.’ After another mouthful of wine, bigger this time, she looked around at the startled faces and said, ‘I know you have questions. Please ask them.’
Jessie, Johnny and Ferdia were silenced with embarrassment.
‘Okay.’ Perla took another gulp. ‘I’ll start. Why am I drinking?’
‘Sorry for presuming,’ Jessie said. ‘We thought Muslims weren’t allowed.’