Through the sliver between the door and its frame, she caught a glimpse of McGurk’s skinny figure carrying trays into the kitchen. Desserts. She had a sixth sense for sugar.
The front door shut, and moments later came the sound of McGurk’s car driving away again.
As if the point of a knife was being held to her jugular, she was up and moving towards the kitchen.
Her heart banged hard at the array of beauty before her: macaroons in bright pops of orange, lilac and lime; dense, dark, swoonily moist opera cakes; raspberry tarts glistening with a luscious pale pink glaze; adorably solid little cheesecakes; platters of marshmallow and pineapple kebabs – they must be getting a chocolate fountain …
Her heart pounded, adrenalin pulsed through her and the top of her head felt open to the air.
The opera cakes were the ones she wanted, and nobody would mind if she had one. But if she had any at all, she wouldn’t stop until she’d eaten at least ten.
For the others to discover she’d devoured half a tray of cakes would be too shaming. She’d have to dispose of an entire tray of twenty.
She could do it. They’d just think McGurk had accidentally left a tray behind in the patisserie.
Or she could try to blame the dogs. Camilla was old and slow but Bubs was a scrappy little fighter who’d have no trouble getting on the table.
The deal-breaker was the bathroom. Going upstairs to Johnny and Jessie’s family bathroom would feel too much of a violation of their trust.
Her hand gripped the door frame, a sheen of sweat coated her forehead and she only realized how tightly she was clenching her back teeth, when something inside her mouth slipped and snapped. In her head, the noise sounded like a mini-explosion, and something small and sharp was rattling about in her mouth.
Shocked, confused, she spat the object into her hand – it was a chunk of tooth. Using her tongue to explore, it dragged against the jagged edge of a molar. She tasted blood.
Horror shrank her skin. Teeth were vital. On a primal level, teeth represented survival. Why had this happened? She had an electric toothbrush. She had check-ups.
But it couldn’t be … She’d only been throwing up for about a month. That wasn’t long enough to erode a tooth to breaking point.
… Was it?
Unwelcome memories of vomiting three and four times a day assailed her. Yesterday, despite all her early hope, had veered out of her control.
She had to admit that she’d packed an awful lot into a very short time.
TWENTY-EIGHT
Liam stood in Johnny’s crowded back garden, watching Nell skilfully organize a noisy gang of besotted kids into some game of her own invention. It was only a year since he’d first seen her in that supermarket but sometimes a year seemed a very long time. Sometimes even a week did. Because within days of meeting her, he’d been poleaxed with love.
All of a sudden he’d understood where he and Paige had gone wrong. Marrying her had been a decision motivated by emptiness and fear: his career was over and a huge part of his identity had abruptly disappeared. He had almost disappeared. Paige had offered a structure, a shape, a new way to be.
But his feelings for Nell were entirely different. Her spontaneity and joy were contagious and he loved this new version of himself.
Nevertheless, he knew his form, and weeks were spent braced for the disenchantment to kick in. Eventually, cautiously, he’d come to accept that it might never happen.
‘Hi, Liam.’
It was Cara, pretty and dimpled.
‘Oh, hey.’ Everyone always said how ‘totally lovely’ Cara was, but something about her made him uneasy.
Nell flew past, trailed by a long line of children. They watched her go.
‘She’s magical with kids,’ Cara said.
‘Yep.’ Liam smiled. ‘Almost a shame she doesn’t want any.’
‘She does, though?’ Cara looked puzzled. ‘But there are already too many of us on the planet?’
‘Same thing.’
‘Is it?’
Luckily, this was the moment when that not-so-little thug Vinnie shoved one of the other kids and Cara left to intercede.
It was a relief. Encounters with Cara unsettled him, as if she could see right into his heart, cataloguing every dark thought he’d ever entertained. One of his most uncomfortable truths was that Nell’s decision to be child-free was the final sign that they were perfect for each other. He didn’t want any more children. He’d failed at fatherhood. When Paige had been pregnant