I saw it.’ He drummed his fingers against his lips. His embarrassed fury was dissolving.
‘I sorta feel bad now about blowing up at Nell. She wasn’t deliberately … I don’t think she was trying to mess things up.’
‘Yeh, look. You were a bit rough on her in the car too. You’re all riled up about the housing stuff, but it’s not her fault.’
Nell had got him at a bad time. It really bothered him that his mum was spending all this money when kids were literally sleeping on floors.
‘Who knows?’ Barty said. ‘Maybe Nell doesn’t even want to be here.’
‘Maybe. I could, I dunno … say sorry to her?’
Ferdia never apologized to adults – well he never apologized to Jessie or Johnny. They already controlled so much that he couldn’t surrender any more of himself. But Nell wasn’t really an adult. Or maybe she wasn’t really a member of the family. ‘What if she tells me to piss off?’
‘She won’t. She’s lovely.’
‘Ha-ha-ha. You fool. Just because you fancy her. Okay. It’s time. Let’s go.’
In the restaurant, the others were already there. Before he lost his nerve, Ferdia went directly to Nell. ‘May I speak with you? I apologize. For swearing. And blaming you. I was just embarrassed.’
She smiled. ‘That’s okay, Ferdia.’
His relief felt like sunlight. ‘And for being narky in the car. Sorry about that too.’
‘It never happened.’
‘So we’re good?’
‘We’re good.’
Turning to sit down, his phone vibrated in his pocket. He took a look. It was a follow request from Phoebe.
‘Bart!’ He showed him the screen. ‘This thing is on.’
TWELVE
‘Down for the weekend?’ Dominique, the massage therapist, led Jessie through the dimly lit corridors.
‘With my family. They’re hiking around Lough Dan today.’
‘And you’re having a bit of me-time. Very wise.’ She led Jessie into a fragrant room. ‘Take a seat. Have you any special concerns?’
‘I have horrible feet.’
‘I’m sure they’re grand. I mean, how would you like to feel after the massage? Detoxed? Relaxed?’
‘Relaxed. I guess.’ But if she relaxed, who would take care of everything? After Rory had died, when she’d gone for bereavement therapy, the woman had said, ‘You think you’ve to keep the planet turning.’ But she’d always been that way. It was impossible to delegate because she felt she could do everything better and faster than anyone else.
The massage was under way. ‘You really are quite tense.’
Which is why I’m getting a massage.
‘The knots in your neck …’ Dominique made it sound as if Jessie had tied them deliberately.
Or maybe she was being touchy and unreasonable? She’d a lot on her mind. That article had unsettled her. The implication that she’d been sleeping with Johnny when she’d still been with Rory: why did almost every interview bring it up?
She could issue a statement saying she’d never cheated on Rory, but she was entitled to a private life. And, anyway, it was ancient history now. Besides, the people who mattered most to her in this – Rory’s parents, Michael and Ellen, and his two sisters, Keeva and Izzy – would never believe her.
As soon as something had started with Johnny, she should have told them. But she’d persuaded herself that nothing was really going on. It was only when she got pregnant with Bridey that she’d had to ’fess up – but by then it was too late.
That was thirteen years ago. She could see now that she must have been jelly-brained with love to think the Kinsellas would be happy for them. She’d hurt them badly and she was far from proud of it. Mercifully, the estrangement didn’t extend to Ferdia and Saoirse, who had a close, loving relationship with their Kinsella grandparents, aunties and cousins. Even so, back when the kids were still young enough to need dropping off and picking up, Ellen and Michael quietly, without announcement, always enlisted another adult as a go-between, so that whenever Jessie knocked on the Kinsella door, it was invariably opened by a neighbour or an in-law. Michael and Ellen had gone to a good deal of trouble to avoid seeing her or Johnny.
These days, Ferdia and Saoirse were old enough to make their own way. Jessie thought if she ever did bump into any Kinsellas now that they’d be civil to each other. In the aftermath of that massive row, someone she suspected was her ex-sister-in-law, Izzy, had left a few savage online reviews of PiG. But that had stopped a long time ago. Other than Rory, the Kinsella she’d missed most was Izzy. She’d been her