with nostalgia – they really had had the best of times. Today she missed them terribly. Particularly Izzy.
The call from Ellen to Ferdia had come just before seven that morning. Ferdia and Saoirse had raced around, preparing to go to the hospital.
Jessie was in the kitchen making breakfast for them, when Johnny said quietly, ‘Should I go too?’
Shocked, she realized that Johnny must be expecting – even hoping – that a life-and-death drama would trigger a reunion. In fact, a tiny pocket of hope had also survived for her.
But the life-and-death drama was here and a last-minute deathbed love-in was looking increasingly unlikely. The only solution was for them both to undo everything that had happened since Rory’s death.
Jessie neither could nor would do that.
If she had grieved Rory the way the Kinsellas had wanted, she would never have married Johnny or had three more children. The family and the life she had now simply wouldn’t exist. But remembering how she’d broken the news to them, it was hard to believe her own insensitivity. She’d sat in their living room and said, ‘I think I was meant to be with both of them, first Rory, then Johnny.’
Which was utter bullshit. But in those gorgeous early days of sex, sex and more sex with Johnny, some handy part of her subconscious had silenced her guilt with whispers of Meant To Be.
Michael, Ellen and Keeva had responded with aghast silence. Izzy had erupted in tearful fury.
‘What is wrong with you?’
Jessie knew about Izzy and Johnny’s long-ago hook-ups. Like, everybody had known. It was never any sort of deal, because Izzy slept with everyone. So did Johnny, for that matter.
Izzy had always been cheerfully dismissive, saying things like ‘No man for ages. Apart from a ridey night with Johnny Casey, but he doesn’t count.’ In matters of the heart, Izzy was admirably resilient. Funnily enough, although she’d told Jessie about her most recent hook-up with Johnny, she’d said nothing about her suggestion that they give an actual relationship a go. Johnny had been the one to tell Jessie.
She’d read nothing at all into Izzy’s omission – life had changed, priorities were different.
Now, through unstoppable tears, Izzy had gasped, ‘Rory is gone, you’ve taken everything, and we have nothing.’
Jessie had gone cold. She’d just realised that Izzy was in love with Johnny. She didn’t know when Izzy’s feelings for him had turned to love, but they clearly had.
She adored Izzy – admired her, respected her, loved her, was in awe of her. Now she’d wounded her. Rory’s family were never going to be thrilled about this development between her and Johnny but she’d had faith that they’d eventually make their peace with it. This was a whole different problem.
Panic took hold as she wondered how to fix it. I’ll have to let Izzy have Johnny.
But I love him.
And we’re having a baby.
I should let him choose.
But, no, that’s absolute nonsense. I love him, he loves me. It’s not a handbag that Izzy and I are tussling over.
All four Kinsellas had seemed much angrier with Jessie than with Johnny.
‘There’s two of us here’, Johnny insisted loudly. ‘I’m just as much to –’
But Izzy hissed, ‘Shut up, Johnny,’ and spoke over his attempts to blame himself.
Even as Jessie and Johnny had slunk from the house, Michael had shaken his hand and Ellen had grabbed him in a wild, tearful embrace.
All Jessie had got was how-could-you glares.
As soon as she got home, Jessie called Izzy. Izzy hung up on her.
Jessie rang back. She called again the following morning. Izzy hung up again and again and again.
Apart from Johnny, Jessie had no one to confide in now.
Comfort came from an unexpected source – her own mother.
Dilly Parnell was, by nature, a low-key person. It took an awful lot to get her chatting animatedly. But hearing about Johnny and Jessie did the trick. ‘To be given a second chance with love! That’s a great blessing. And another baby on the way! But, tell me, how are Michael and Ellen taking this?’
With a rush of relief, Jessie unburdened herself, ‘They’re awful upset. So’s Izzy and Keeva.’
‘That’s to be expected.’
‘But they’re blaming me much more than Johnny. As if I was some heartless seducer. Women always get the blame.’
‘They’re not thinking with their proper heads,’ she said. ‘They think you stole both of their sons.’
‘I stole nobody!’
‘When you married Rory, you took him away from them. While he was in your “care”, he died. Now you’ve taken their – What’s the