those places where they use cucumbers on your eyes. I don’t actually think any place does that. I realize it’s been so long since I’ve had a facial. The last time was on Mother’s Day when Gabe treated me to a spa day at Anna’s spa.
“Hi there,” a young bright eyed blonde says as she offers me her hand. “I’m Krysta. I’ll be your esthetician today.”
I follow her to a private room.
The room is dark. A comfy spa table sits at the center of the small room. A myriad of containers and pumps of lotions and creams are lined up on a glass desk, along with all kinds of complicated gadgets. She leaves me to put on my robe. I take off my necklace; the silver chain with the diamond-studded cross, the one Gabe gave me years ago.
I wait for her, and try desperately to relax.
She knocks softly and enters, and goes right to work, taking a seat on the stool at the head of the table.
“Are you ready to get pampered,” she asks, cheerful.
“Oh, yes.”
“Have you been stressed?”
Have I been stressed? She has no idea. I wouldn’t even know where to start. “Kids and work…life,” I mumble. “I’m off work now though. I’m a teacher.”
“Wow. What grade do you teach?”
“Kindergarten.”
“Oh well, you definitely need a nice relaxing facial then,” she says as she presses her fingers gently along the curves of my face. She uses some kind of delightfully smelling lotion. It is wonderful.
I close my eyes and tell her, “I’m pregnant. I’m not sure if you need to know that.”
“Congratulations,” she says, and I can almost hear the smile on her face. “That’s fantastic.”
“I’m about fourteen weeks,” I tell her. It feels strange to tell a stranger about the pregnancy. I haven’t spoken about it to anyone other than Gwen.
“Babies are so sweet,” she goes on as she presses a warm towel compress on my face and wipes off the lotion she has just rubbed on. “Don’t worry. The products we use in this facial are all safe for pregnancy.”
I sigh softly. This is truly wonderful. I have the best BFF in the world.
“Do you know if it’s a boy or a girl?”
“A boy,” I tell her, a smile curving on my lip.
“Boys are great,” she says. “I have one of my own. He’s five.”
“Cute.” I smile as I try to picture her boy. And then, I picture my own little boy again; with his big green eyes and thick dark hair cut in a bowl cut, a rebel lock of hair sticking out at an odd angle. He has the sweetest of smiles and he hugs me tight. He looks just like Weston, a pint-sized version of him.
She rubs a different lotion on my face, the smell just as wonderful as the last one.
I sigh as I think about Weston. Thoughts of him make me tense, nervous. Our situation is so complicated. I often ask myself how this all happened. But I know exactly how it happened — I wanted him, I wanted to be loved by him, first in the physical sense, and then more.
I wonder why I’m like this. Here I was, with two beautiful girls, a wonderful life with my soul mate; a man who loves me. I shouldn’t have wanted more. Perhaps I desperately crave love, the kind of passionate love you read about in romance novels. Being loved wasn’t good enough for me — I needed to be adored. I wonder if I seek adoration, this intense kind of love because I never truly had it.
I’ve always thought I was fine with my mother’s abandonment but I’m sure it must have done quite the number on me. I’m sure I wouldn’t be in this mess today, if I had had a perfect idyllic childhood filled with home-made cookies, fishing trips and two loving parents. I don’t think I would have this desperate need to be loved.
“How’s this pressure?” Krysta asks as she massages my shoulders.
“Wonderful,” I breathe.
If only a trip to the spa could solve all your problems.
Claire looks adorable in her pink princess covered water-wings and pink goggles, her little paunch sticking out of her two piece bathing suit.
“Let’s go,” she says.
I tie my hair in a bun with the help of a large no-tangle elastic. “I’ll be there in a second.”
Chloe has already jumped; a canon-ball soaking the edges of the pool, the terra-cotta stones a deeper shade of orange.
Gwen makes herself comfortable on the chaise longue. “So glad to