anything for the longest time. He finally gazes up at me. He looks absolutely torn. He reaches for the door handle and looks at me one last time. “I may eventually let go if that’s what you wish, but I will always love you.”
The door closes behind him and I crumble to the floor in tears. Those last few words were said with such conviction, such emotion. I know he was speaking the truth…absolutely, unequivocally. He truly believes that he will always love me.
I’m a part of him now.
And he is a part of me.
Gabe brings the girls back at around eight o’clock. They’re full of smiles and riled up. I suspect there was a lot of sugar involved. Claire is clutching a stuffed giraffe and Chloe holds a white leopard.
“We went to the zoo,” Chloe tells me.
“I can see that,” I say as I venture a look up at Gabe who shoots me a shy smile. My heart does a little leap, despite the way we left off the last time we saw each other.
“This giraffe is going to be Tokyo’s baby,” Claire tells me.
“Cool,” I say, thrilled to see my girls so happy. It’s been a while since I’ve seen them like this.
“We should go make a zoo,” Chloe pipes up. “With all the animals I have in my room.”
Claire’s face lights up. “Yeah, that would be so awesome.”
And next thing you know, they’re both bounding up the stairs.
“Well, it’s nice to see those two getting along for a change,” I joke. “What’s your secret?”
He looks down at me with a hint of a smile.
A sudden flash of memories of our last time together take me by surprise. A short erotic film plays in my mind; his mouth against mine, his hand cupping my breast, his tongue sweeping across the letters of his name, inked on my skin.
I swallow hard. “Uh…so you had a good time?”
He smiles at me. “We did. They loved it.”
I can’t seem to peel my eyes away from him. I’m sure he notices. He shoots me a devilish smile. He knows all too well what I’m thinking about.
“Well, uh…” I stammer. “Thanks for taking them.”
“No problem.”
I smile at him again, feeling ill-at-ease. When did I become so nervous around Gabe? It’s feels like he’s a boy picking me up for our first date.
“I should get going,” he tells me.
I don’t want him to leave. “You could stay…for coffee or something.”
He laughs. “No, I should get going. And you know I only drink coffee in the morning.”
I look down at the floor. “I know. I’m being stupid.” And I wonder if he needs to be somewhere else. If he’s meeting someone else. But then I remember he told me all he wants is me.
He takes my hand in his — the gesture stuns me. “But I do want to tell you something,” he says, his words soft. “I wanted to apologize for what I said last time,” he explains, his huge hazel eyes gentle.
“It’s okay,” I tell him.
He still holds my hand when he says. “No, it’s not. It wasn’t a mistake. It did mean something. It does change things,” he goes on. “The truth is I was just so damn mad at myself for losing control.”
“I lost control too.”
He shakes his head, looking so worn out. I feel sorry for him. “We shouldn’t have…it’s so complicated between us now, Ella.”
My heart does a little cartwheel. Yes! He’s willing to give me another chance… maybe.
I inch closer to him. “It was very special to me. It wasn’t just a quick fuck,” I whisper. “I’m glad it happened.”
“Me too,” he says. “But think about what you’re asking me, Ella? You want me to stay with you and help you raise another man’s child.”
He’s right. I’m asking too much. “I know it’s a lot to ask.”
“It’d be one thing if he was out of the picture, Ella, but he’s not. I don’t think he’ll ever be. The man’s fucking obsessed with you,” he presses on, his words filled with contempt. “And you. I think you’re in love with him too.”
I jerk back. His words have stunned me. “I…I’m not.”
“C’mon,” he says. “Can you really tell me that truthfully?”
I don’t know.
I love Weston. But it’s a different kind of love.
“We can work this out, Gabe,” I press. “I know it.” As I utter the words, they fade into the charged air, and I know that even I, can’t quite see how we could conceivably work this out.