up and down, feeling the delicious pressure build. I remind myself no one can see or hear us in the complete darkness of the starry night… and I let go. His free arm wraps tighter around me as I’m brought to climax, he buries his face in my hair. My moans are muffled against him.
“I love hearing you,” he whispers.
When I’m finally brought back down from the best orgasm I’ve had in a long time, I lay against him. I think about this wonderful husband of mine. He’s been so good to me. He doesn’t deserve this. I’ve been so distant and I can tell he’s been curious. But he hasn’t been angry… he hasn’t pestered me, hasn’t demanded answers. And all this time I’ve been lying to him, keeping something huge from him.
I sit up and look up at him and I realize how much I love him.
He smiles. “Still got it?”
I can’t help but smile. “Definitely. That was amazing.”
I want to make him feel as good as he just made me feel. I want to give him pleasure. I cuddle close against him, still wrapped up in the cozy blanket. “I want,” I start, the words a whisper in his ear, a little strained. My hand finds its way into his pants again and he grins. I bite my lip and shoot him a little smile — he knows what I’m up to. “I want to…blow your mind.” I whisper, my mouth pressed against his neck.
He swallows hard and doesn’t say a word. I think I’ve rendered him speechless. I shoot him a playful smile and slide down his body and bury myself under the purple blanket.
And I give him what he does deserve.
CHAPTER FOUR
…somewhere no one knows us.
The car is quiet as we make our way back home. The girls are watching movies on the matching mini DVD players rigged up to the backs of the front seats. Music is playing but I’m not really listening to the words. Gabe is uncharacteristically quiet. On the drive over, he had been talking non-stop.
I never did answer his question — where have I been? I press my hand to my belly and think about my baby. It is only an inch or so long and doesn’t even weigh an ounce. But its body is taking shape, its limbs are already formed, its heart already beating. I’ve grown attached to him (or her). In the early days, a part of me wanted to lose the baby desperately. But now? I don’t know anymore.
One thing hasn’t changed though, I still think this baby could shatter all our lives.
Gabe digs through the snack bag we’ve brought along and grabs a bag of peanuts. He offers me some and I decline, wondering if I should eat peanuts. I read somewhere something about eating peanuts during pregnancy and peanut allergies. I decide to look into it further. How crazy… I realize. Part of me worries about such things and another (very small) part is still considering putting an end to this life. Although I really can’t see myself going through with it, but the least I can do at this point is consider my options as Dr. Fisher suggested.
I sigh and close my eyes and lay back for a nap. I’m so exhausted.
“There’s something I’ve been meaning to talk to you about,” Gabe says out of the blue, his tone unusually grave.
I shoot back up, my eyes wide.
He knows.
I swallow hard. My throat suddenly feels so dry. “Yes?”
“I haven’t mentioned it before because I didn’t want to mess up our weekend.”
My heart hammers in my chest. Does he know? I can’t help but wonder if he knows. “Yes. What is it?”
“I’ve been talking to this guy,” he starts and I feel my whole body relax — this isn’t about me.
“Yes?”
“Well, anyway, this guy, Robert Williams, owns a chain of high-end furniture stores out west,” he carries on, his eyes fixed on the road. “Really nice stuff.”
“Oh yeah,” I say, intrigued. “How do you know him?”
“We met at a trade show, ages ago. We’ve been friends since.”
I wonder where this is going. “Uh-huh.”
“Well, anyway, he’s looking for a project manager to oversee the running of his stores in California and Arizona.”
I bounce up off my seat, his words finally sinking in. “What?”
“I know, it’s crazy,” he says, shooting me a tight smile. “All of us picking up and moving down south.”
I can’t move down south. “It is. Have you been considering this?”