bits. Initiative training with real guns? They’ll form queues.”
“Why are you always so cynical?”
“I said. Because it’s my job.”
They drove in silence for a while. Then Aziraphale said, “You’d think he’d show up, wouldn’t you? You’d think we could detect him in some way.”
“He won’t show up. Not to us. Protective camouflage. He won’t even know it, but his powers will keep him hidden from prying occult forces.”
“Occult forces?”
“You and me,” explained Crowley.
“I’m not occult,” said Aziraphale. “Angels aren’t occult. We’re ethereal.”
“Whatever,” snapped Crowley, too worried to argue.
“Is there some other way of locating him?”
Crowley shrugged. “Search me,” he said. “How much experience do you think I’ve got in these matters? Armageddon only happens once, you know. They don’t let you go around again until you get it right.”
The angel stared out at the rushing hedgerows.
“It all seems so peaceful,” he said. “How do you think it will happen?”
“Well, thermonuclear extinction has always been very popular. Although I must say the big boys are being quite polite to each other at the moment.”
“Asteroid strike?” said Aziraphale. “Quite the fashion these days, I understand. Strike into the Indian Ocean, great big cloud of dust and vapor, goodbye all higher life forms.”
“Wow,” said Crowley, taking care to exceed the speed limit. Every little bit helped.
“Doesn’t bear thinking about it, does it,” said Aziraphale gloomily.
“All the higher life forms scythed away, just like that.”
“Terrible.”
“Nothing but dust and fundamentalists.”
“That was nasty.”
“Sorry. Couldn’t resist it.”
They stared at the road.
“Maybe some terrorist—?” Aziraphale began.
“Not one of ours,” said Crowley.
“Or ours,” said Aziraphale. “Although ours are freedom fighters, of course.”
“I’ll tell you what,” said Crowley, scorching rubber on the Tadfield bypass. “Cards on the table time. I’ll tell you ours if you tell me yours.”
“All right. You first.”
“Oh, no. You first.”
“But you’re a demon.”
“Yes, but a demon of my word, I should hope.”
Aziraphale named five political leaders. Crowley named six. Three names appeared on both lists.
“See?” said Crowley. “It’s just like I’ve always said. They’re cunning buggers, humans. You can’t trust them an inch.”
“But I don’t think any of ours have any big plans afoot,” said Aziraphale. “Just minor acts of ter— political protest,” he corrected.
“Ah,” said Crowley bitterly. “You mean none of this cheap, mass-produced murder? Just personal service, every bullet individually fired by skilled craftsmen?”
Aziraphale didn’t rise to it. “What are we going to do now?”
“Try and get some sleep.”
“You don’t need sleep. I don’t need sleep. Evil never sleeps, and Virtue is ever-vigilant.”
“Evil in general, maybe. This specific part of it has got into the habit of getting its head down occasionally.” He stared into the headlights. The time would come soon enough when sleep would be right out of the question. When those Below found out that he, personally, had lost the Antichrist, they’d probably dig out all those reports he’d done on the Spanish Inquisition and try them out on him, one at a time and then all together.
He rummaged in the glove compartment, fumbled a tape at random, and slotted it into the player. A little music would …
. . . Bee-elzebub has a devil put aside for me, for me …
“For me,” murmured Crowley. His expression went blank for a moment. Then he gave a strangled scream and wrenched at the on-off knob.
“Of course, we might be able to get a human to find him,” said Aziraphale thoughtfully.
“What?” said Crowley, distractedly.
“Humans are good at finding other humans. They’ve been doing it for thousands of years. And the child is human. As well as … you know. He would be hidden from us, but other humans might be able to … oh, sense him, perhaps. Or spot things we wouldn’t think of.”
“It wouldn’t work. He’s the Antichrist! He’s got this … sort of automatic defense, hasn’t he? Even if he doesn’t know it. It won’t even let people suspect him. Not yet. Not till it’s ready. Suspicion will slide off him like, like … whatever it is water slides off of,” he finished lamely.
“Got any better ideas? Got one single better idea?” said Aziraphale.
“No.”
“Right, then. It could work. Don’t tell me you haven’t got any front organizations you could use. I know I have. We could see if they can pick up the trail.”
“What could they do that we couldn’t do?”
“Well, for a start, they wouldn’t get people to shoot one another, they wouldn’t hypnotize respectable women, they—”
“Okay. Okay. But it hasn’t got a snowball’s chance in Hell. Believe me, I know. But I can’t think of anything better.” Crowley turned