Gone - Anna Brooks Page 0,82
tell me this stuff, listening to him fight back tears, seeing the regret and embarrassment, and being able to relate, I couldn’t add to that, not anymore. Especially because our parents are acting cold toward Jordan now because somehow his divorce is embarrassing to them.
I laid some shit out about how I felt about what he did to Izzy, and he was even more mortified about that. He didn’t actually hurt her. In fact, she was the one who bested him, so as long as she felt comfortable, I’d work on the steps toward forgiveness. And she was.
So that’s where my brother and I are now.
Things will never be the same, but the least I can do is try. The way I chose to view it is he was a victim just as much as I was. I know what that kind of stuff does to your pride, and I wanted to be the bigger person. I was sick of holding on to all these fucking grudges and the animosity.
I won’t forget, but I can do my part to fix our relationship, especially because it’s just me and him… and Grandma, who remains neutral between her son and her grandsons, which is understandable.
Maybe I shouldn’t have given in to him so easily, but I’m sick of fighting. I want my old brother back. I see how close Izzy is with all her siblings, and I miss that. I’ll never have what she does, but I can at least have a small part of it.
So I’m trying. We’re trying.
I also realized that if it wasn’t for Jordan, I would have never gotten Judy because Laila is allergic to dogs. That means I never would have needed to board her when I was gone, which means I never would have met my everything… my Izzy.
I nudge Jordan with my shoulder. “Let’s go eat.”
He sighs and follows me into the kitchen, where Iz stands at the stove. “Beer?” I ask him.
“Sure.”
After tossing a bottle at him, I grab the opener, kissing Izzy on the cheek as I reach in the drawer next to her. Jordan bounces his leg nervously. I get why he is, too. I just wish he wasn’t. “Chill.” I nudge his foot.
“Sorry.”
“I told you it’s okay. If it wasn’t, I wouldn’t have had you over.”
He shakes his head. “It’s not that. I mean, it is. It doesn’t matter how many times you tell me we’re good. I’ll never fucking forgive myself for what I did. So stupid. God, I was so fucking stupid.”
“She’s good at manipulating people. Got us both.”
“At least you ended up with a good one.”
My chest swells with pride because I did. I got the best. And she’s currently serving up what I know will be another delicious meal. “You’ll get one someday, too.”
“I got an offer to head up plastics at Children’s in Nevada.”
I pause with my food halfway to my mouth. “No shit.”
“I turned it down.”
Giving up on eating anymore, I drop my fork. Izzy jumps at the clatter, and Jordan swallows nervously. “Why the fuck would you do something like that? That was your dream. What gives?”
“I’ll just…” Izzy scoots her chair out.
“No.” Jordan reaches for Izzy’s arm but then pulls away. “Don’t go. You’re family, right? This is what family does. They talk about shit.”
She sinks back down, and I help her push the chair back in. “Yeah, they do.”
“You’re all I have left. You and Grandma. I don’t want to miss out on any more time with the only family I have left. You two will have kids soon, and I want to be involved as much as you’ll let me.”
“You know when I told you I forgave you, I meant it, right? You don’t have to—”
“I do have to. I ruined your life. I—”
I lean over the table. “Does my life look ruined to you? Christ, you did me a fuckin’ favor. We don’t need to go back there again. I don’t want to go back there anymore. The future is where it’s at, bro. Let’s focus on that.”
He sniffles and then clears his throat. “Okay.”
If Laila wouldn’t have left town, I’d have chased her ass out. I’ve never seen my brother so messed up before, and it pisses me off. “Good. Now…” I sit back down. “I should have asked this before, but I’m just going to do that now, and then I’ll never bring her up again. Please tell me you had a prenup.”
“Um, hell yes. I might have