“Because it is difficult to keep things for long from my—companion. Probably, though, he doesn’t consider me that any longer.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Oh, it was turning sour anyway. It’s lasted long enough. What bothers me more—much more—is that he violently refuses to accept your interpretation of the Pionizer experiments you ran after the surface observations.”
“I told you the way it would be.”
“He said he had seen your results.”
“He glanced at them and grunted.”
“It’s rather disillusioning. Does everyone just believe what he wants to?”
“As long as possible. Sometimes longer.”
“What about you?”
“You mean, am I human? Certainly. I don’t believe I’m really old. I believe I’m quite attractive. I believe you seek out my company because you think I’m charming—even when you insist on turning the conversation to physics.”
“No! I mean it!”
“Well, I suspect Neville told you that the data I had gathered were not significant beyond the margin of error, which makes them doubtful, and that’s true enough.… And yet I prefer to believe they have the meaning I expected them to have to begin with.”
“Just because you want to believe that?”
“Not just because. Look at it this way. Suppose there is no harm in the Pump, but that I insist on thinking there is harm. In that case, I will turn out to be a fool and my scientific reputation will be badly damaged. But I am a fool in the eyes of the people who count, and I have no scientific reputation.”
“Why is that, Ben? You’ve hinted around the tale several times. Can’t you tell me the whole story?”
“You’d be surprised how little there is to tell. At the age of twenty-five I was still such a child that I had to amuse myself by insulting a fool for no reason other than that he was a fool. Since his folly was not his fault, I was the greater fool to do it. My insult drove him to heights he couldn’t possibly have scaled otherwise—”
“You’re talking of Hallam?”
“Yes, of course. And as he rose, I fell. And eventually, it dropped me to—the Moon.”
“Is that so bad?”
“No, I rather think it’s good. So let’s say he did me a favor, long-way round.… And let’s get back to what I’m talking about. I’ve just explained that if I believe the Pump to be harmful and am wrong, I lose nothing. On the other hand, if I believe the Pump to be harmless and am wrong, I will be helping to destroy the world. To be sure, I’ve lived most of my life already and I suppose I can argue myself into believing that I have no great cause to love humanity. However, only a few people have hurt me, and if I hurt everyone in return that is unconscionable usury.
“Then, too, if you’d rather have a less noble reason, Selene, consider my daughter. Just before I left for the Moon, she had applied for permission to have a child. She’ll probably get it and before long I’ll be—if you don’t mind my saying so—a grandfather. Somehow I’d like to see my grandchild have a normal life expectancy. So I prefer to believe the Pump is dangerous and to act on that belief.”
Selene said, intensely, “But here’s my point. Is the Pump dangerous or is it not? I mean, the truth, and not what anyone wants to believe.”
“I should ask you that. You’re the Intuitionist. What does your intuition say?”
“But that’s what bothers me, Ben. I can’t make it really certain either way. I tend to feel the Pump is harmful, but maybe that’s because I want to believe that.”
“All right. Maybe you do. Why?”
Selene smiled ruefully and shrugged her shoulders. “It would be fun for Barron to be wrong. When he thinks he’s certain, he’s so vituperatively certain.”
“I know. You want to see his face when he’s forced to back down. I’m well aware of how intense such a desire can be. For instance, if the Pump were dangerous and I could prove it, I might conceivably be hailed as the savior of humanity, and yet I swear that I’d be more interested in the look on Hallam’s face. I’m not proud of that feeling so I suspect that what I’ll do is insist on an equal share of the credit with Lamont, who deserves it after all, and confine my pleasure to watching Lamont’s face when he watches Hallam’s face. The pettishness will then be one place removed.… But I’m beginning to speak nonsense.… Selene?”