The Girl Next Door - Emma Hart Page 0,24
and tonic it is,” Mom said, turning on her heel. “Mother, be nice.”
I snorted.
Grandma Rosie wouldn’t know nice if it slapped her ass, bent her over, and painted a bullseye on her back.
Kai glanced at me, holding my gaze for a moment before he turned back to eating his lunch.
“So,” Grams said, staring at me with a laser-like gaze. “How is my great-grandchild?”
Well, I wasn’t expecting her to start like that.
“About as well as a pea-sized fetus can be,” I replied. “How are you, Grams?”
“Still alive,” she retorted smartly, then turned to Kai. “I suppose you’re the one responsible for this situation.”
Kai wiped the corner of his mouth with a napkin. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, ma’am.”
Liar, liar, pants on fire!
“No, it’s not,” Grams replied. “Nobody ever gets any pleasure out of meeting me.”
“You can say that again,” I muttered.
“I heard that.”
“You were supposed to.”
“Shut up and eat your food, you hussy.”
“If you weren’t old and I weren’t hungry, I’d throw this sandwich at your head.”
“Why can’t you be more like your sister? Holley would never threaten me.”
I stared at her flatly. “You didn’t even remember I had a sister ten minutes ago.”
“Yes, well, I’m old.” She shuffled in her seat. “Where’s your mother with my steak? I’m turning into skin and bones here.”
Spoiler alert: she was not. The only thing skin and bones about my grandmother was her ability to talk people to death.
Or, you know. Make them wish they were.
“What’s your name?” she demanded of Kai.
“Kai, ma’am.”
“Are you going to marry my granddaughter?”
I choked on my water.
He glanced at me. “Well, she wanted to wait to tell you, but…”
What was he doing?
Kai, stop it!
“Are you married?” Grams demanded, looking at me.
I froze. “I, uh, um.”
“Yes,” Kai said quickly, drawing her attention back to him. “We are. This morning, before her doctor’s appointment,” he lied.
He didn’t even twitch.
I was both impressed by his ability and absolutely fucking horrified that we were now married.
Apparently.
Grams looked between us. “Why the devil did nobody invite me?”
Because you are the devil.
“It was a last-minute thing,” Kai continued. “We thought we would have a blessing and party when Ivy is feeling better.”
“Feeling better? She’s just inhaled that grilled cheese. She looks fine to me.”
“Watch it,” I warned her. “Or I’ll ask Sophie to bring me a coffee so I can throw up on your shoes.”
“You will leave my Crocs alone, Ivy Rose Stuart.”
“I’m not Stuart anymore,” I ground out, glaring at Kai. “Am I, darling?”
He grinned, looking every inch as if he were enjoying my extreme discomfort in our newfound level in our fake relationship. “That’s right, sweetums.”
Sweetums?
Gross.
“Where’s the wedding ring?” Grams demanded, pointing her finger at my hand. “If you’re married, where’s the ring?”
“Getting sized,” I said quickly. “It’s gorgeous, Grams, you’ll love it. Big and shiny and sparkly.” I sent a look in Kai’s direction as a challenge. “We’ll have it back in a few days.”
His jaw twitched, but his eyes shone with laughter.
“What ring?” Mom asked, setting down Grams’ gin and tonic.
“Jasmine! Did you know they’re married? This morning? Before they saw the doctor?” Grams asked.
Mom clapped her hands to her cheeks. “Ivy! Is that why you didn’t eat breakfast? Why didn’t you tell me? Why weren’t we invited? Simon! Siiiiimonnnnnn!” she hollered in the direction of the bar. “Your daughter is married!”
I swear, every single person in the bar turned to look at me.
I was going to kill Kai.
CHAPTER NINE – IVY
“I cannot believe you. I cannot believe you told my grandmother we got secretly married this morning.” I tossed my purse on the sofa and stomped into my kitchen.
Kai closed the door behind him. “You’re the one who started this fake relationship thing because it was easier for you, remember?”
“Yes, but I didn’t think we’d actually have to get fake married! It was to buy myself some time!” I stopped and fisted my hair. “Jesus Christ!”
“I don’t think he’s going to help you.”
“You’re gonna need him to help you,” I warned him. “Now what do we do? How the hell are we supposed to fake a blessing and wedding in front of my family?”
Kai rubbed the back of his neck. “All right, that was a little far.”
“You think?”
He held out his hands, palms up, and shrugged.
Like that was a real response.
I sighed and leaned against the sink, folding my arms across my chest. “Well, now we’re in too deep. What do you propose we do now?”
“Well, we have to go with it, don’t we?”
“Oh, come on.”
“You started it,