“I don’t have any condoms. I’m guessing you don’t either.”
Condoms. Damn it. “No, I do not.” She pulled her wrist out of his grip and unbuttoned his jeans. “We can do other things. As you’ve proven.”
His breathing grew heavy, then heavier when she found his shaft. He helped her free him, raising his hips to kick his jeans and boxers off.
Katrina rested her forehead against his and played with him. She wished there was more light, so she could see every detail of what she was doing, but she could follow the cues his sighs gave. She stroked him in long, slow pulls. Their breath mingled, and when his accelerated, she sped up her fist, too.
He was not quiet. He gave a deep moan as he came, and pressed his forehead tighter against hers.
“Good?” she asked.
“Amazing.”
She’d thought so, but it was nice to have confirmation.
They lay there for a while, and then Jas stirred, helping her up. “Will you sleep in here?” he asked.
Her heart melted. “Yes.”
They tidied up and then climbed into bed, both of them still naked. At some point, she’d want to examine his body in greater detail, but that could wait for now.
He pulled her close, so her head lay on his shoulder. Thoughts tried to nibble on the edges of her consciousness. The two of them needed to talk. It was very important they talk, actually. About what this meant.
If it means anything.
Katrina brushed that cynical voice away. It had to mean something. He said he wanted her.
He also told his brother you were just a client. Which one is true?
She calmed when his hand brushed over her butt and patted her there, like he knew she was fretting. “Go to sleep. We can deal with this in the morning.”
Deal with this didn’t sound romantic and lovely, now, did it? But she was too exhausted to think about it and dissect it and take it personally. Sleep crashed over her, and she welcomed it.
WHEN KATRINA WOKE up from a dark dream in which she was running, running through an endless tunnel with no light at the end, struggling to breathe, she knew she wasn’t going to be sleeping for the rest of the night.
Katrina was dimly aware Jas was lying next to her, but cuddling wouldn’t help her right now. She slipped from the bed to sit on the floor, the rug and the plank floors underneath grounding her. She crawled away to brace herself against the wall. Her brain buzzed like a million bees had set up residence inside it. Her breathing grew short, sweat beaded on her forehead, her chest tightened with pain. The dark room spun around her.
Heart attack!
No. It wasn’t a heart attack. She inhaled and exhaled, letting the panic wash over her. For her, anxiety was like a rip current. The harder she fought it, the more it dragged her out to sea.
In a real rip current, you got out of it by swimming perpendicular to the current. Here, she just had to tread water. Eventually it would pass.
It would pass.
It would pass.
Everything passed. Nothing felt the same forever.
More sweat, more tears. She doubled over, the pain in her chest becoming too intense. A light touch moved over her hair, but even a light touch felt too sharp. She shook her head, rejecting it, and it vanished.
Katrina let the storm thunder and rage, and slowly her heart rate began to slow, the pain growing less intense. She inhaled deep, dragging the oxygen into her lungs in greedy gulps.
When the attack had mostly passed, she tipped her head back against the wall and opened her eyes. Jas sat across from her on the floor, holding an orange prescription bottle. He lifted it up in question.
She shook her head. The anti-anxiety meds were on an as-needed basis, and other than her lingering nausea, she no longer needed them tonight.
Jas didn’t ask her what had happened, for which she was grateful. She hated that question, because she rarely had a response. “You okay?” he asked quietly.
“Yes,” she whispered.
He studied her, as if confirming that she was telling the truth. He placed the bottle between them. “Do you want a hug?”
Katrina wrapped her arms around herself. “I would very much like that, thank you.”
He sat next to her and pulled her into his arms. She rested her head on his chest.
His naked chest.
Oh right, they were both naked.
She snuggled closer. That was fine with her. This was the stuff of dreams, naked-cuddling with Jas.