we avoided discussing whenever possible. It was clear in the way he’d proposed our arrangement and the history of his relationships—or lack thereof—that he wasn’t looking for anything more. Never mind with me, the prissy, stiff girl who was so unlike him.
But that didn’t change the fact that I did.
And now that I knew, there was only one thing to do.
Tell him.
Deep down, I’d known I’d catch feelings, even if I’d insisted in the frivolity of a fling. But I’d thought it’d be easier to manage. Be more clear, how I felt. Take longer to develop.
Brock and I hadn’t agreed to be exclusive until we’d been dating for six months. I love you had come somewhere around a year—after we were living together. In college, I’d dated Chad for three full years, and we’d never even discussed living together. Before I’d left LA, Todd and I had seen each other for a year and never even referred to each other in relationship terms like boyfriend, girlfriend, or even an It’s Complicated Facebook status.
I noted then that I’d only dated guys with douchebag names. Not that Kash was much better, though the thought of calling him Kassius was deeply unappealing. I couldn’t see myself screaming his full name in bed, but Kash? A flush crept over me at the mere thought. That was a name I could whisper all night, and had.
Hopefully I would in the nights to come—once I told him, I might not have the chance.
The instinct was a sweeping tide, a compulsion so strong, it felt as if I wouldn’t be able to do or think a single thing until I told him. So I took a breath, honed my focus, and dove into a rationalization.
I couldn’t bolt into Longbourne with a declaration on my lips. I had to play it cool, play it smart. The moment had to be right—the right moment could make all the difference. I’d know when, but I had to pay attention. We would spend the better part of our day together, so I’d observe through the lens of my newfound knowledge to determine just how and when I’d let him know.
With that ambition guiding me, I lifted my chin and hoped.
The bell chimed my entrance, the shop buzzing with people. Wendy smiled at me from the wall of tin buckets filled to bursting with market bouquets in chromatic order. Jett jerked his chin in greeting from behind the counter, flashing that brilliant Bennet smile at me.
When I approached, I opened my mouth to explain what I was doing there, but he headed me off.
“He’s back there,” he said with a flick of his head to the greenhouse.
“Thank you,” I answered, my cheeks embarrassingly warm and smiling.
“Try not to get too dirty.”
I rolled my eyes and laughed to cover my discomfort, making my way behind the counter and into the workroom. Music played, some happy indie song I’d never heard before, and Tess and Luke were busy in the mini studio they’d set up for Instagram, staging Luke holding a gorgeous bouquet of exotic-looking flowers. Tess fiddled and fussed over the bouquet, and Luke watched her with the deepest, sweetest affection.
Oh, to be adored like that.
It seemed an impossibility, something only a sliver of a percentage of the population found, unattainable by me. I’d always thought that a loving relationship was forged through years of becoming accustomed to someone, of learning them and accepting them. I’d never been much for fairy tales, preferring reality and low expectations. But lately, I’d looked around and found a magic in love I hadn’t seen before.
It’d been there all along, and I’d somehow missed it.
Luke looked up and smiled the smile of a man who knew too much, and it left me wondering just what Kash had told him about us.
“Look at what the cat dragged in,” he said.
“That cat better not be around,” I sassed, smiling. “He hates me.”
Tess chuckled, turning to face me. “Don’t take it personal. Brutus hates most everybody.”
“But does he make it a point to trip everyone he hates?”
“No,” Tess noted. “Only you.”
Luke’s smile tilted a little higher on one side. “He’s got a whole setup back there for you. Hope you’re ready to get schooled—he’s got his chalkboard set and his pencils sharpened.”
“I’m pretty sure I’m hopeless, but if anyone can teach me, it’s him.”
Luke shrugged. “I dunno. He’s been trying to teach me for years, but it’s just in one ear and out the other.”